Winterhaven, California, Day 18

TGIT - thank god it’s Thursday

I’ve walked Madigan.  There was less wind today. Last night I couldn’t barbecue sausages because the wind blew out the flame. I made macaroni instead.  The weather forecast is hot today 21 degrees. The wind is 16 which is less than the 25 knots earlier this week.  The wind is chilly but not in the afternoon.

Last night a motorhome moved in next to me. There are so many empty places. I think the guy is the kind that when there’s a huge men’s washroom with twenty empty urinals chooses to stand beside you.

There’s not much here to be irritated by.  My mind really has to look for a negative.  I ought to be grateful for everything but I’m wired to find fault.  

I’m enjoying reading John.  Just read how Jesus explained one needed to be born again of spirit.  I feel I play peek a boo with Jesus.  John the Baptist observed the Holy Spirit as a dove descend on Jesus and stay with him.  Like Bernie said, I pray, Holy Spirit Come. It’s all here. Inside.  Heaven is in the heart. The Nous.  This interconnectedness. The outer world is the edge.

I enjoyed watching the Mission Impossible 2023 last night.  Uplifting. Good versus robot mind.  

I have a day of work to complete.  Virtual consulting.  Psychotherapy by phone and video.  It’s not too demanding.  It’s work.  I’m amused when a person calls it a ‘chat’.  A chat is like lying on a beach whereas psychotherapy of any kind is sitting in a study space preparing for a final exam.  I have several suicidal people and a few psychotic and am adjusting medications and hoping to get ahead of this before hospitalization needs to be considered. I completed several disability forms and tax relief applications with patients to. I feel I’m doing good , good enough.  I’m certainly keeping people alive and out of hospital and onto the right services. I was glad to refer a person for more intensive intervention. It’s what I do.  It’s all I can do seeing people at monthly or less intervals.  A very different world from the weekly and twice weekly psychoanalytic intensive therapy I trained in.  I’ve done such a variety of therapy trainings and this is working out for me. The 3- to 40 hour work week is a whole lot better than than 60 to 80 to 120 work week of the past.  

I really like my dog. He’s a source of comfort and joy.  My physiotherapist. He ensure I get several walks a day.

I like keeping in touch with Laura.  I liked calling George and missed last night’s meeting.  It’s a routine. I like the routines but feel constricted by them as well. This is a whole departure from my regular life in many ways.  Different place in so many different ways but my own little world.  I’m amused by my desire to add a small microwave to my system. I have no room to have it out but I can take it out for use and store it under the table when it’s not in use. I store the tv that way, taking it from the bedroom wall to watch at night in the main salon setting it up on the kitchen counter.  

I work on this side of the table but pray and relax on the other side of the table.  Using space. 

Time to make a coffee and set up my Oscar electronic file and doxy video conferencing.  

God is good all the time.  Thank you Jesus.  Holy Spirit come.  

Wolf moon



Mourning Dove

By Algodones Road and Alamo Canal, US Mexican Border, Day 15

I had a good day yesterday, church and Meeting, and looking for a miniature microwave,  high speed Vespa Freeway ride with buffeting winds, walks with Madigan off leash in the wilderness, I fried a steak because wind kept putting barbecue out.  Watched Utah Western series and am enjoying it.

Slept well

Woke up refreshed.  Looking forward to work, service and purpose.  I’ve been texting Laura. I was pleased to get the purses and gifts off to the girls with UPS on the weekend. .  Mission accomplished.  Just a good time with little pressure.

I ‘m at risk of being ‘bored’. I think that’s different from the untreated state of the addiction “restless, irritable and discontent’.  I need to be more grateful.  I also need to encourage people to share. It was easier doing analysis with the free association or hypnosis, ‘this chat, not chat’ relationship is difficult

Many patients believe their role is to give detail upon detail about their discontent. But the doctor only needs enough information to make the diagnosis. Physically it would be like a patient with a bullet wound wanting to give a Tom Clancy tale of the event when the doctor has made the diagnosis and wants to get the bullet out.  

In mental illness a lot of people with addiction want to discuss anything but their addiction and attribute their symptoms to anything but their addiction.  When the doctor says you hit your wife and kids because you were drinking the patient wants to discuss , the difficulties of the wife and kids, the way their boss spoke to them, the government, the weather, the way their parents treated them.  Millions of dollars of health care spending was wasted by well intentioned care givers who didn’t know to say, “l’ll look into perhaps considering another MRI at public expense when you can show me a clearn urine.’

The degree of denial with addition is delusional.  I have patients who are on their second nasal septal repair and deny a problem with coke.  It was the COPD and smoking. Metabolism, obesity and overeating. 

I do a lot of Palliative care and harm reduction.  I’m hoping to be there when they are ready to make serious changes in their lives for health. I certainly don’t judge since I’m not getting the exercise I need.  This last week after months I consistently walked more than 5000 steps but have only made 10,000 on one day. I’ve not done the stretching yet and I’ve not relearned tai chi.

I liked Cunk when asked ‘what are you planning in 5 years’, she responded “I’m just trying to get to Friday’.  That’s me.  My aim is more inpatient meetings here.  

Thank you for this day. Thank you for wakening. Thank you for the air. Thank you for Madigan, Thank you for coffee. Thank you for heat and sun. Thank you for mobility and walking, Thank you for vehicles and travel. Thank you for Laura. Thank you for family and friends.  Thank you for Canada and thank you for the United States and Mexico.  Thank you for dentists. Thank you for food. Thank you for coffee makers. Thank you for indoor plumbing. Thank you for this camper.  

Thank you God. May I know you better today and serve you.

Thank you Jesus. 

 

Sleepy Hollow RV Park, Winterhaven, Ariz, Sunday, Day 14

I am enjoying this Sleepy Hollow RV Park. I had a great sleep last night waking to memories of a beautiful voluptuous girl in pink satin pyjamas.  

I showered and dressed for the Vespa ride into Yuma for church.  The only challenge is the wind. It’s unsettling.  Madigan rides in his box on the seat behind ne,  We arrived on tine for St. Park;s Epiuscopal Church Sercvice.  A very welcoming church I’ve attended the last couple of winters.  Reminiscent of Christ Church Cathedral in Vancouver but newer.  Dr. Paul Gambling is the minister. The organist is incredible. I remembered my hearing aids so enjoyed the readings sermon ,  Madigan was well behaved,

At communion, Father Paul Gambling blessed Madigan.  I was pleased. On the way out Father Gambling thanked me for coming and bringing Madigan.  I do look forward to coming back.  When Laura was here I took her there and she enjoyed it too.

I rode cover to the 449 Clubhouse arriving late for the AA meeting but finding out where they are.  I haven’t found Al Anon but have a meeting list for the 449 Clubhouse.  It was good to say hello,

At Home Depot I found a Magic Chef ,7 cu ft microwave that would work but I’m holding out for the Whirlpool ,5 cu ft one that’s even smaller and ashier to store,

The Vespa does 110 Km/Hr easily on the freeway but the wind was challenging. There ‘s about 10 minutes of excitement. I’m about 20 to 30 minutes from Yuma here .  

I like it.  We did the dog walk this morning and enjoyed the size of it.  There’s a gateway through the fence near here.  I saw a man taken his dog back there so expect I’ll take Madigan for a walk there sometime,

 

Thank you Jesus for this day and all of your blessings. 

Algadones, Mexico, Day 13

I’m so happy to be here.  I woke at 7 am, even had a shower and walked Madigan before I attended my morning meeting.  It’s a wonderful group of inspirational friends. Some call us family.  I try to attend as often as I can on line.  There’s an overlapping meeting Monday and Friday with some of the same people.  We talk of god and the unmanagability of life. Fate and free will discussion and spirituality.  It’s a wonderful way to begin a day listening to geniuses and sharing.

I crossed the border into Mexico at 930 am but here in the time zone was 830.  I first met Sandra and was able to buy the earrings Laura picked from the photo I sent her after seeing Sandra yesterday.  It’s Laura’s birthday so jewelry goes well and is easy to ship with Fed Ex or UPS. Last year I used the US mail but don’t trust Canada Post yet after their strike,  Sandra’s husband’s name is Israel and they got to the Catholic Church Sunday.  I bought some more earrings for the girls in the family as well.  I sent purses last year and they were liked .I’ll send wallets or little purses this year so it’s easier to mail.

I walked over to Sol Opticians but they had a line up so I said I’d go for breakfast. He recommended the outdoor Prius cafe down the snowbird alley.  It was good to sit outside in the sun. I loved the huevos rancheros.  Huevo Rancheros is a favourite food I first encountered in Mexico 40 years ago and have loved ever since.  The same goes for Mango Lassies I discovered in Bomba India when I visited there in the late 80’s.

At Sol Optical, the lovely woman optican told me I needed to see a specialist since she was concerned I may be developing cataracts,  My night vision has declined. She asked about floaters but I ‘ve had those since I had a ball hit me in the eye.  She recommended I see my ophthalmologist before investing in another pair of glasses. I’ll definitely do that when I return.  Dad said blindness was the worst in his late 80’s as it took away so many of his enjoyments, watching, tv, reading, driving.  I liked that at Sol opticians they were more interested in my health than making a sale.  

After I left there I walked around the corner to my favourite leather store.  The last couple of years I’ve sent purses to family and bought some for Laura when she visited. This time I only bought my sister in law a large purse while the niece in laws and Laura I bought new smaller Coach purses that appear contemporary.  I liked that being smaller they’d be easier to ship with UPS or Fed Ex.  Now I’ve done all my major gift buying but will be in the area a week or two more at least. I’ll have time to consider the God kids in that time.  

For now I’m having express at the Coffee Shop. Each year I come and sit in this corner typing with my iPad and enjoying the Mediplaza atmosphere, fairly tranquil and out of the way.  The street vendors haven’t bothered me as much this year but then I’ve only been au drab while in previous years I was dressed au femme most of my visits  alone.  It goes in waves apparently aligned with my anxiety and boredom. Right now I’m rather content with my masculinity.  Also medical conditions tend to focus attention on survival.  I don’t seem to be able to escape aging.  I might want to face it and try not to be distracted.  

I’m ambivalent about the future.  I have lost my two best friends of decades in Vancouver and my brother these last years.  My childhood best friend remains in the islands and I’m grateful for his contact.  On Facebook I see school friends and am inspired by them.  It’s difficult aging and making decisions for the future.  I am wealthy today but poor without pension and if I live to be 100.  I continue to work because I enjoy being of service.  The alternative would be to write books and I’ve certainly been procrastinating that. I really should write a discourse on psychiatry and gives talks when I travel so I can continue to write off trips.  

With the high costs of living in Canada and the punitive tax burden of the communist oriented Liberal government and their corrupt PM Trudeau who has just retired, I don’t know what to plan for the future I envisioned living in Mexico younger. I thought it would be great to live in La Paz on my ship and work half the year.  Now here I am living in southern Arizona relatively inexpensively.  I’m essentially on a mixed work vacation and can afford to do this as long as I’m working.  But there’s damage to my Camper that will cost to repair.  Last year my camper repair costs were $10,000.  My RV home costs were $2000 a month.  If i moved out of Vancouver to the country I could live for $1000 a month for housing like it is here.  I simply don’t know.  I’m mostly here because Laura is here and I’ve work and friends in the two clinics I work at.  I have my men’s group and George and others there give me a sense of belonging.  

I’m very grateful for the adventure of life.  I love my dog and travel and have enjoyed sailing, skiing and scuba diving but don’t do those anymore. I’m not even excited as before about hunting. I like motorcycling and quadding, camping, reading and writing.  I like my meetings and church.  I would like to get back into Tai Chi.  

It’s the whole issue of living in the present.  I’m calm and happiest when I’m present.  My mind is mostly at peace,  I drift into future zooming and dooming and then the anxiety strikes.,  Being told my eyes are aging is unsettling ,  For several years my back pain has interfered with sex and exercise. I’ve tried to do the exercises and swim but the pain is straining.  

I am thankful that Trudeau has stepped down. He was evil and my nemesis.  Now I feel there is perhaps hope.

I am lonely at times .  I returned to Canada earlier last year after only a couple of month because I was lonely.  I am a lone with. God.  I enjoy being here than being alone in wilderness as I did before. I like sitting in cities writing. I have my camper and it’s isolated in an RV park miles front Yuma.  Tomorrow I’ll ride my Vespa with Madigan into Yuma to attend church.  

Madigan is beginning to bark at strangers When he gets into sheriff mode, he’s bored and wants to move on,  There are children playing on the crow in the plaza and he wants to play with them.  Considering how many people I’ve seen in my life I am rather aloof now in life . That goes with the territory.  

Thank you God for this life Thank you for the color and sights .  Thank you for Madigan. Thank you for Laura. Thanks you for Adell, Graeme, Andrew , Allen , Tanya, Meagan,  Elliot and Finn. Thank you for the dogs.

Thank you for all the blessings, Thank you for the glorious hot dry weather. Thank you for the kindness and friendliness of people. Thank you for coffee. Thank you for my ability to travel. Thank you for all o the senses. 

Time to use the washroom and head for the border crossing. 

It’s a good day.  God is good all of the time 

Golden Shores RV - Departure, Day 12 to Yuma , Sleep Hollows RV Park and Algadones

LA fires were all the news. Arson and smoke and evacuations. I received an amber alert on my watch.  Decided that I’d travel south rather than head straight west to Salton Lake.

I’d thought to stop in San Diego but the cost of RV Resorts ranged from $150 to $250.  That’s American money and Canadian is only 70 cents to the dollar. I stopped at San Mateo Campgrounds and they were $50 a night. The California campgrounds were reasonable for full service but they required reservations.  I almost stopped but I’d only gone an hour or so and I was enjoying the trip down the coast. I almost stopped at Oceanside again because I’d loved it there but really was enjoying the ride.  

I stopped at Encinitas and took pictures of the SRF meditation centre I visited and meditated at .  I studying Yogananda when I was 20 doing the Kriya Yoga lessons, being initiated and always feeling positive about the learning.

It noted my door lock was broken and stopped at el Centro to see an RV repair man. It was just 5 pm and I couldn’t find anyone so late.  I drove on and stayed the night boon dogging outside Yuma off Fortuna in the desert flats. I’d tried to find an RV park in the dark but the offices were closed at 7 when I was there and I was a bit exhausted and crossed into an oncoming traffic lane. Luckily it was empty but time to pull over.  

Madigan peed . I slept and only once did he bark and wake me. No one was there. I worried it was the police saying you can’t stay here. It wasn’t. I was glad to sleep and wake refreshed.

Foothills RV Supply and Repairs , 11242 S. Foothills Blvd, Yuma, 928 342 1704 were the best.  I got a new lock and some really good advice.  Great people.  

I enjoyed topping up the propane at my old haunt and checking out Walmart for a lounge chair. I drove past the Marine Air Force base and Madigan got his beef paddy and I had Sausage Egger.  All was good as we moseyed out to the Sleepy Hollow RV Park near Algodones.  Great native run RV park with security doing patrols,  Madigan liked it. I paid for a week, reasonable rates.  No pool or laundry or whirlpool but dog walk and store. I just liked it.r.

Once I was set up i walked Madigan to the US Customs and the cutest officer kindly reviewed the paper and said he was good to come and go.  I’d had a virtual meeting which I enjoyed with all the lone time travelling.  Then I walked over to Mexico and enjoyed how they’d fixed up the Mexican side of the border crossing with white paint and X-ray machine.  The guard checked my bag thoroughly and I was in. I’ll be able to come and go this week. They’d put up fencing and changed the town a little to improve security at the crossing.  Lots of building going on.  A prosperous community. I was less harassed on the street but it was late in the day and St Thomas Dental and Sol Optician were closed .I was able to get meds at Trury’s. 

I enjoyed chatting with merchants and  talked to one of the fellows who asked about my ring and shared he was 5 years clean and sober in NA.  Miracles of miracles 

I saw Sandra of Sandra Jewelry with her husband .  I’ve enjoyed them each visit and Laura loved them. So I bought some jewelry for Laura’s birthday.  She’s been wearing the Sandra’s Jewelry all year to praise and comment so I’m glad to gift her some more.

I’ve totally set up the camper and even unloaded the Vespa myself without too much difficulty. I’d had a hard time with the HD Nightster Specail.  This is 100 lbs lighter and makes all the difference. There was a terrific guy at the Foothills RV who showed me the Vespa’s he was working on restoring.  We sung their praises together .  I’m looking forward to riding into town to church on Sunday assuming the weather remains so splendid,

It’s hot in the afternoon,  Sunshine and blue skies.  Such a healthy relief from Vancouver right now.  I feel my joints enjoying the dry and hot and I’m uplifted by the sun,  What a blessing to be able to do this.

Thank you Jesus,  Thank you God. Thank you Creator.

It’s cooled off with the sun going down. I ‘ve turned on my electric heater and it’s heaven. I’ ve hot dogs to barbecue and potato’s salad. I phoned the patients that texted me and took care of prescriptions and concerns so I’m caught up.  I will enjoy watching TV tonight.  I finished the see history and started a western I’m reading.

I’ll have to walk him again.  He pooped in the office and I had to clean it up checking in. I felt so badly. He’d not had a walk of any merit so it was my fault. He walked for an hour or two with me crossing the border and such. He’s tuckered out whereas when we camped at night I didn’t walked him concerned about traffic and night and dependent on flash light.  I’d then focused on fixing the lock and until that was done I wasn’t  able to leave the camper .  He’s such a good boy and no harm done as I cleaned it up with Clorox towels, Poor guy. The woes of travel as a dog.

I made up for it taking him with me and he loved all the smells and everyone friendly.  He likes it here.  So do it.

Thank God!!!

Larry and Peter, Bella and Luka

Golden Shores view of the docks at sunset

Encinatus

Boon docking

Fabulous Foothills RV Supply and Repairs. Yuma

Sandra Jewelry

Long Beach, California, Day 11

Thank you God for this day. Thank you God for restorative sleep. Thank you God for Madigan. Thank you God for the sunshine and warmth. Thank you God for this mobile Adcnturer Camper, F350 Truck and Vespa GT.  Thank you God for the Golden Shores RV Park.  Thank you God for the marine walk.  Thank you God for Laura braving Vancouver rainy winter. Thank you God for my family in the east. Thank you God for Peter and Larry who are here in this park and told me about it years ago.  Thank you God for the Marine walk and Light house Walk. Thank you God for Long Beach and the stores like Vons , Star buck, Ace Hardware, 5 sports, Supersuds laundry.  Thank you for the tranquility here.  

Thank you for this day.

I am thankful too for work, I am glad to still be of service,  Yesterday was my first full day after travelling south. I had an early morning walk and with Peter, Luka and Bella, the Hacannese girl, we did the Lighthouse Marina walk.  Later at night I swam in the pool and had a hot tub. I read rather than watching tv last night. The Brutal War, British naval historical fiction of the Hawke ship.in day of Nelson and Napoleon.  I did watch a little 1944, a subtitled movie of the Estonias in the war when half the men were conscripted to the Red Army and the other half to thee German Army due to invasions , Neighbours fighting neighbours, I’m thankful that Canada has in my lifetime avoid war on our soil,

After the swim last night I had a shower and enjoyed the new shampoos Sharine recommended after she cut my hair.

Pretty mundane stuff.  With the stresses reduced I actually stop and breathe, smelling the ocean shore scents.  I was taken back to the bad year, the third divorce,m and the ex’s addiction and ny abstinence and  return to church and the road to recovery.  I’m thankful for all the healers and mentors I met along the way. Walking into the Atlantic Alamo Club I saw so many in early recovery while there were a glowing few in longer term success based on thier serenity.  The early recovery folk with anxious and starting back from the detour that clearly didn’t pan out. It was a Crystal Meth Aonymous Meeting. I felt the tension and palpable anxiety and anger of early recovery and thought this is the world of ‘yes’s.  We say I haven’t done that ‘yet’.  I didn’t do CM and even crack wasn’t available when I stopped drinking wine and priding myself on being a connosier. Ironically I stopped smoking marijuana because it thought its  against the law and I should not be breaking the law when I abhorred hypocrisy.  Yet I couldn’t stop smoking, tobacco.,  I’d tried marijuana instead of tobacco but only smoked both. I’d stop for several months and only start up again when I was having a drink and the compulsion to have ‘just one’ smoke would come over me  It was only when I was months clean and sober that I began to appreciate how tobacco, marijuana and alcohol had become so much apart of my life,

10 per cent of Canadian consume 80% of alocohol.  Like most who think they ware social drinkers I was more than that. I only ate at restaurants that served wine. I smoked daily. I liked to smoke cannolis at sea because it really did help with sea sickness.  The trouble is that the rule of ‘more’ progressed.  I went from drinking a glass or two of wine on a Friday night with my partner to drinking a bottle or two of wine.  All my friends, mostly yuppies and established people were like me drinking wine and having an occasional toke,  

Now I don’t have friends who drink or smoke.  

I used to be cynical and not I’m optimistic. I used to go to bed late. Now I’m up early and this morning was up to watch the beauty of dawn.

I’m really blessed.  I really wante to know God back then but I was turning further away. In recovery I’ve had a true adventure in the art of getting high.  Alcohol is a depressant.  Life is its own high. I enjoy the adventures I know to day and the company I keep.  I am really so thankful.  I’m blessed to be parts of recovery groups and church and family and work.  I’m very thankful

I’m glad Trudeau has resigned.  He was so arrogant, acted like a sociopath and seemed to be impaired with drugs or alcohol or hung over. He didn’t look or sound well but I guess that was me in my last year of work, Looking back now I can see the problem but not then.  Now I’m truly blessed to know the freedom I know today.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you God.  Thank you Higher Power,  Thank you God of Gods. Thank you light.  Thank you Yahweh.  Thank you