Good Friday, Easter, 2026

It has been a tough week.  Mostly because I bought the Jeep and acquired a debt that bothered me. I’d traded in my 2017 Mini Cooper and last weekend decided to sell my truck, and camper. They were at Adventure RV waiting to have the one happy jack reinforced.  I worried the night before fearful of the drive out on the highway on my Vespa. It was just a foreboding, an uncertainty. I have this with age now, wondering will I live this truly minor event.  The ride was actually exhilarating .  I wasn’t cold either having dressed sufficiently.  

Kevin said they could get the camper off and I could take the truck in a couple of hours. I rode the Vespa over to Victors. In his Ram we headed out for breakfast. He had his regular omelette while I had sausages and eggs.  His other Veterans came in. Also some folk from the program. He enjoyed chatting with them as they passed out table. I enjoyed the sausages. All round pleasant country men connecting. We talked of guns and the gun buy back too.  

Then I was back at Kevin’s Adventure RV where he was kind enough to use a forklift to load the Vespa onto the F350.

Now I drove back to Vancouver and unloaded so much ‘stuff’ , good ‘stuff’ mind you , at the Maple Leaf Storage Locker, The Honda 3000 generator, tools from under the seat, dog toys of course.  Then I brought back the heavy tail gate and the 4 winter tires.  

The next day on the Grok AI its said the resale price was $40,000. I talked to Ford and the sales man hadn’t got back to me so I phoned next day. I’d taken a day off work to get the Truck because nothing was open on Friday Saturday.

Expectation was the key.  With myself I expected to pick up the truck , drive it home unpack it and sell it. I was exhausted and waited till the next day.

 Then I drove in to Ford and the salesman began dickering because he said I hadn’t told him it was gas not diesel. I lost it and said if I have to do surgery and need to know your blood type I’m going to ask that. I don’t expect you to know that. He wanted me to come back on Monday. He was trying to do the best but I wass frustrated so much that I couldn’t get turned around with all the new cars about. So I went into service which I’ve always loved at Ford.  Told the guy my problem and he understood and drove the truck out of the lot to the gate.  I then drove to another Ford and they suggested because it has the scratches that they wouldn’t buy it because they’d need to fix that .  Canada drives had offered me $33,000 sight unseen but the Journey folk had said that though they were Jeep I could bring it back there when I was buying the Jeep originally. 

I did and Ryan was great. He took pictures, come back next day if the price was fine. He put it out for auction the next day. $30,000 was fine. This was day 3 of the process. That day i drove the truck over. He got the service guys to take my Vespa off the back. I drove home on the Vespa. Great drive.

Monday their accountant was supposed to cut a check.  They didn’t get back to me. I’d signed over the truck and left the truck and was involved in a virtual clinic then I phoned their finance folk and really complained .I was dealing with a woman and police and a machete. I’d ridden my Vespa to the DTES. I had so many people wanting me and here I was catastrophizing about fianances.

I normally don’t think about that because I trust God yet it brings back the divorce where she was on Cocaine and crazy and not showing up at work,  up all night. The dog and I had no place to stay and it was raining and cold and I couldn’t ‘t get any food  or sleep. I had told her I can treat 100 crazy people or her but not both. I needed to get away from the screaming insanity but she refused to go to treatment or get help. I saw a psychiatrist who said my problem was my wife’s severe adiction.  I went to  my so called friends because I knew my dog would be welcome. We’d tried a couple of hotels but they didn’t take dogs.  The biker ‘friends’ realize that I was weak and vulnerable so took the opportunity to capitalize .I’d been their ‘friend’ when I was always financially = well but now tthey stole $30,000 from me along with my truck. In the past we’d all smoked some pot and drunk some wine but in the last year cocaine had hit. 

Fortunately for me I had a bad redaction but for them it was  severe addictions like my wife.  I was now the source of money .So there’s some anniversary trauma shit happening. She’d blown the transmission on my truck and continued to drive it and they kept the truck supposedly in exchange for a car I never got. I hate when the flashback and nightmares come back. I left her and the marriage and the practice that night when she continued drugs and wouldn’t go to treatment.  The lies were worst.  It was when I was with the biker friends drunk at night in the woods that I felt I was outside God’s grace.  That was the height of my ego that I felt I could be beyond God’s love. It was an epiphany of arrogance and self pity.  That day a Christian friend called and I told him I wanted to go back to church .   

Ryan then came through ant the Jeep  and gave m the cheque the accountant had screwed up with.  Now there was no bank open. Next day at noon after an easy morning virtual clinic with my cleaning ladies arriving I went into TD leaving the dog in the Jeep. I deposited the cheque. The loan is with RBC the bank I had with the ex decades back .and perhaps that triggered thing too..  I’ll move the money from TD to RBC after Easter.  

With all that I missed Maundy Thursday, the Last Supper and the Washing of the feet. I remember years I’d eat pancakes and participate each day of the Holy Week. That was when I was attending St. John’s or Christ Church. At. St. Barnabus I’ve been more lax.  

As my  friend George says., “it’s only money’ and today that’s the ‘caddilac’ problem.  We call it a caddilac problem because it’s not a real problem like the time the guy went through the stop sign and hit me on my bike throwing me over the hood bouncing off the roof and then landing on my head and neck on the road. I’d been going to see my Priest in preparation for adult baptism.  Lying on the road I felt I couldn’t fight anymore and was picked up in the stretcher and taken by ambulance to UBC. I was afraid my neck was broken and I couldn’t feel.   I just waited for the MRI results after I’d had the scan. The doctor came. His name was Dr. Priest. He told me nothing was broken.  I was so greateful.  That wasn’t a Cadillac problem  My close friend was quadriplegic and told me when the staff didn’t show up , some dispute with her boss,  he’d said he couldn’t empty his bladder and suffered all morning until his son showed up.

I’ve identified with Jesus’s suffering.  Money problems aren’t the cross but illness and death of loved ones and catastrophes are. I was just so self absorbed in things not going on my time.,  Something I planned would be done in a day maybe two took 5. The $40,000 I was hoping for turned out to be $30,000. I was physically utterly fatigued with my chronic back pain and weakness overwhelming at times .  But it was ‘my way’ not .;thy way’ and I was just catastrophizing and feeling sorry for myself.  These moods and paranoid thoughts were Norm in the days before I got sober. I went from a millionaires with yacht and swimming pools and my dangerously insane ex treated as ‘normal’ managing my affairs while I got help . Insane. Now I know that’s the world of alcohol and ego and the people I knew in that day.  That was a bad year financially and physically but spiritually it was the best.  I loved getting to know Father John better.  I met George and I prayed and meditated and walked my dog and was blessed to know Dr. Lam, Dr. Gutowski, Dr. Baker and Dr. Graham.  I considered suicide that year.  Now nearly 30 years later I have so much to live for.

The F350 Lariat edition super duty with sun roof and long box 4x4 had been with me 7 years. I thought of the hunting and fishing and all the good times camping with Laura and Gilbert then Laura and Madigan. It was a really good truck and now it was gone.  The mini had been Gilbert and Laura and my ride. When Gilbert  became blind I traded the Miata sports car  we loved in for the Mini so I could take Laura and him to the Oregon beaches and cry watching him run free knowing he wasn’t going to bang into anything.  Sailing we’d dinghy into a beach so he could run free on the sand 

I’m aging and dealing with loss. I sold the sailboat getting a pittance for it. I don’t have time to invest in sales. When I wrote a book I was supposed to market it and didn’t because it’d rather do clinical work. I like being of service.  

I’m here now in a motorhome with a jeep. The jeep with a tow kit will be able to be pulled behind my motorhome. I”ll probably sell the Vespa and quad because the jeep can do everything.  I’m reducing and minimizing. I have the money in the bank to pay for the motorhome and jeep but something to do with taxes and such makes it better I just have the loan and pay it off over he next 5 to 10 years but then I don’t know if I’ll have 10 years though I expect it’s another quarter country to go unless I get shot at again or go over a cliff or crash a motorcycle or car.  I have a guardian angel or many and have been blessed for sure.

I used to love the Travelling Wilburies “Handle Me with Car’.  Now I’m more likely to play Holy Holy Holy on the stereo.  I love Third Day and am enjoying the audio in the Jeep . I’m in transition.  From Sailboat to Truck and Camper I’m now in Thor Motorhome and 2 door Jeep Wrangler. It feels right. 

Laura is coming over today.  She has a week of holiday and Madigan and I are so looking forward to her being with us. When she came to LA I rented a car for a couple of thousand so I won’t need to do that . I’l have savings too not needing to pay licenses or storage on all the vehicles. 

I’ve been studying Orthodxoy.  Kevin Anna and the God kids have found a home in a Greek Orthodox Church. Because my church is going to hell in a hand basket with King Charles sounding more Muslim than Christian and the pope celebrating Islam I’m considering what church I can attend.  I’m enjoying learning about Constantinople and the Orthodox and Oriental churchs.  My priest was caught up in the Climate Change UN political money scheme.  She’s partial to the South Americans having lived there. I just see the IPCC as a scam created by the Communist Chinese and orchestrated by the communist Maurice Strong and supported by Pierre Trudeau who allied himself and Canada with Cuba and Castro.  Now Carney allies himself with Communist China and is annti anmerica and freedom. 

 Israel and America are at war with Iran who was the principle ally of communist China.  WHO went over to the dark side in covid when I studied the genetic code and knew they were lying about the poor Pangala.  Fauci then was lying to the President and the whole lies and corruption of Justin Trudea and autopen Biden was going on. Jan. 6th was a scam as big as the declaration of martial law in Canada over a peaceful demonstration.

I’ve been trying to maintain peace of mind.  I remember Anita telling me that she and Willy tried to play it safe in their latter years of service and work and remember how the wonderful wonderful Godly Phillip was persecuted by the authorities for his pro life stand.

I don’t want to be a martyr. I’m more like Peter and would rather be like John. I ‘m from cowboy stock and want to die with my boots on in bed at a hundred or so.  Dad wanted to go when they wouldn’t;t let him sit outside. I don’t think I’ll do well institutionalized.  But for now I want to camp 

I have everything I need. I’ve money in the bank but no pension so fear when carney gloats about having trillion of Canadian pension and his face and the Quatar faces all look like the my biking hunter ‘friends’ who betrayed me taking my money and belongings and dividing them among themselves.

The guards took Jesus’s clothes and divided them in four among themselves.  The Roman administrator Pilate had put up a sign calling him “king of the Jews’.  

Canada seems metaphorically to be plundered by Trudeau and Carney. The great replacement is the removal of the Christians and replacement of them with Muslims.  The Crusades are taught falsely.  Islamophobia is punished yet it is the Muslims persecuting Christians and Jesus. 

Our PM joined with the Hammas Palestinian terrorists and antisemitism  after Hammas killed hundreds of young Israelis at at music festival. It turned out all the billions of aid money was used by Palestine to build a veritable warrior cave system under Gaza to attack Israel.  Yet there’s Carney clelebrating terrorists like Trudeau did.

I feel sometimes looking at Canadian politics this last decade I’m in the asylum.  Not ironically the schizophrenics votes the same distributions in Canada as Montreal and Toronto.

I was going to go to church for the Good Friday mass but have stopped here to journal.

I will go to mass tomorrow with Laura .She asked me to get Hamm for Easter meal.   

I should stop social media contributions on Facebook. X is more mature.   Zuckerberg is pro communist china.  Communism is the religion of aetheism.  

Today is the day Jesus was crucified. In the Gospel of John his last words are ‘it is finished’.

In Mark ‘Jesus cried out “Eloi. Eloi. Lema sabachthani!’

“My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?”

Lazy Days - BC Day - Journal

I felt tired after last weeks work.  Accumulated stress. New patients.  Uncertainties.  Some difficulties even with experience.  Negativity and stickiness,  Facin that and memories.  Politics and the lack of support.  Management getting richer and richer while the frontlines suffer with more platitudes.  Hard to peddle hope when Liberal governments promises no better than last.  More money to propaganda.  Marketing without logic.  Distraction.

Friday was a sunny day.  Work was work and social media was advertising and fear mongering.  I enjoyed seeing my friends taking holidays. Road Trips , hiking, travel.  Glad to see the kids. I really like baby elephants.

The best part was Laura arriving early Friday.  She’s really beautiful, such a kind soul.  I like that I’m not alone.  She shoulders the burden of Madigan. He’s constantly demanding play and treats and walks and I’m fine with that. He’s just a joy but when she arrives I’m off the clock and he smothers her with love.  She’s without her own dog all week so glad to play.  Her patience is amazing. He wants to have his ears scratched all day and she complies forever while I’m a brief massage and pet kind of guy.  

She also says it’s okay that I’m doing nothing. 

All I did this weekend was a post office run, a storage locker run, and a laundry run. We walked Madigan together. He likes being part of a pack.  We ordered Chinese at Yan’s and it was delicious.  I’d barbecued steaks that were perfect with potatoes and corn the first night. Chinese the next night and Me&Ed’s Pizza last night.  We did sit outside in the lawn chairs in the sun and read.  All around us are travelers with this as their holiday destination. I feel like people who live in Banff at times. The holiday feeling of the resort town here where I’m in transit. I saw Kevin at Staples and am looking forward to a $700 paperback. He’s writing hunting memories with the God kids. I bought a monitor and set it up for work.  Laura brought the wet swifter I’d ordered on Amazon. I cleaned the floor with it. More advanced than the broom. The Merry Maid ladies Irena and Alina were here Thursday and made the place special. They cleaned the refrigerator and freezer which was fabulous.  Laura loves it when they’ve been and everything is squeaky clean. 

It was Pride Weekend.  I said I missed it because I was annoyed at the rejection of the Police and the reaction to the Palestinians taking over the Parade last year. I really like to go wearing a dress and participating in the eelebration of LGBT. I was there decades ago and every few years since. I’ve grown older and am less inclined to crowds. I avoid the fireworks after going a dozen times younger.  I don’t drink and don’t like the drugs and alcohol. I don’t like people on them in crowds.  I don’t like the corporate hi jacking of Pride either. .  My favourite has always been Dykes on Bikes and the Gay Trans floats. Davie’s costumes are the best. I liked seeing friends especially those from Loving Spoonful and early AIDS days.  When I was the emergency doctor at VGH I volunteered to help with the psychotic AIDS patients overwhelmed with grief and isolation.  My friends were health care workers who served.  The Gay Parade was special then. it was a celebration of life and inclusivity without the anger and entitlement that followed, along with the drugs and politics.  When the first politicians marched they were special but now it’s just another photo shoot.  

But to younger folk not jaded with experience it’s still a kind of special. Not courageous but good,  I didn’t like that the 8 is too late group marched with their banner 30 years ago. Last year it was a family event and I was glad the fat old naked guys didn’t make an appearance.  I’d bought a white bonnet for the event and was glad to find a place to sit and watch as my back doesn’t take standing long.  I was on Denman and it really was a community celebration but I didn’t stay.  

This year I didn’t go because I said I didn’t want to go to a Palestinian parade but mostly I don’t like traffic and crowds. Besides Laura said it was okay if we just sat on lawn chairs in the back yard reading.  She’s good that way. Supports me when I’m being daring and outrageous these days.  I tell her I feel like I’m not doing anything and she says that’s okay.  I shared with friends that I’m getting older and don’t think there’s enough time for me to do whatever. I need to to get a Nobel Prize.  I know I’ll never deserve a Medal of Honor but with the rogues who’ve got the Nobel I thought I might just get one, if only for not screaming ‘fuck, fuck, fuck” in front of parliament, as all day performance art. 

The fact is the highlight of the day was after dinner watching For All Mankind. It’s a show that takes off from the premises that the Cold War continued and the Space Race did too with Russians and Americans having Moon Colonies and Halo a private corporation competing with NASA and Star City to put the first man on Mars. Wonderful soap opera with Star Trek themes.  

Laura and I also watched Echo Valley with Moore and Sweeney.  Moore is hot. I’m of the age where I’d choose her but Sweeney , all the rage today, is a gorgeous young woman and great actress reminiscent of Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts’s and Sandra Bullock.  They were all young like Sweeney who really is talented like them as an actress . She’s plays the drug addicted brat daughter of Moore.  Incredible thriller drama. Sweeney is today’s flavor of the month American Eagle jean scandal.  The ‘woke’ crowd that’s anti white and anti merit promotes bearded ladies in marketing and doesn’t get that the majority don’t want propaganda.  Dr. Jordan Peterson makes a good argument that when the middle is conservative and family the potential for fringe is greatest as opposed to when fringe tries to lead only to create chaos and backlash. That chaos is in full swing now as traditional is buying Sidney Sweeney jeans because she’s cute and the jeans make girls butts look good. It’s all fairytale.  It’s all Barbie.  

Meanwhile I’ve spent most of the days reading first a western by Frank Wheeler. It’s a bit over the top like Kill Bill.  So many bad guys chasing the good guy and girl. Then there’s the the Sons of Valor False Flag thriller which really moves.  Saudi Arabia, America, Israel, and Iran all entwined with navy seals and CIA.  Great action and moving plot. 

Of course I have a book I should be writing.  Thankfully when I say to Laura who’s enjoying reading her book and social media watching her kids and grandkids , she says , ‘it’s okay’.  I responded to the pharmacists requests and watched my great nephews at the beach.  I walked Madigan.  I’ve been very active this year with a couple of conferences and driving to Southern California and Ottawa. But that was then.  Thank God Laura says it’s okay for me to ‘do nothing’.  

I have these books to write, all the cleaning to do and the storage locker to sort but I really love lying on the couch in the summer. And the day in the sun tanning on the lawn chair was heavenly.  Being with Laura is terrific.  She’s beautiful and sweet and sexy and kind and she puts up with the crazy dog who wants us to throw his toys all day.

It’s a fabulous restful peaceful lazy weekend in the sun.  I’m doing nothing but it’s okay. I’m loving my Thor Motorhome. it’s an elegant sufficient space with great potential.  I brought my Martin acoustic guitar back from the storage locker and played a bit. Since hearing aids I’ve not enjoyed it so much but plan to get back into it with a pick. It’s good for the soul.  I like that my barbershop quartet friend George is always organizing karaoke.  Patti at the church is always making music. I feel it’s time to begin again.  

Thank you God. Thank you Laura and Madigan., 

March Spring Rains

Spring rains persist. Regular downpours and cloudy days. I am missing the sun and dessert but actually rather content to be home

The Merry Maids came today. They did a fabulous job despite Madigan supervising them with barks and growers. I took him to Macdonald’s for a burger. It allowed them into my garage office. I’d spent this weekend cleaning it up and surprisingly it just needed sorting rather than a storage locker run. I did get rid of another bag for the Diabetes foundation. Returning I was delighted by the order and cleanliness of the place.

I’ve been looking at Thor Class A motorhomes.  Ernest and Nicolina showed me there’s and I’m so impressed. It’s not as big at Peter and Larry’s Tiffany.  It about 32 feet I think, Thor Hurricane with one slide. That’s had me looking at motorhomess.  I’m seeing lots of second hand range I could afford and am sure I ‘need’ one this year.  This fifth wheel is really terrific but big and I don’t want to learn the driving skills to haul it. I’ve used tow trucks but the costs have increased.  Besides after a couple of months down south with my camper I’ve decided I’d like to be mobile. If I can’t haul this because back up into things with trailers I can get a bus and haul my mini.  I will have to find a way to put the Vespa on board though an electric bicycle will do fine.

I have an ophthalmology apt so will know if I’m likely to be driving for the next decade or so to justify getting another vehicle. I’m reminded how sad Dad was when his eyes tight went. I’m already going dreaf and am getting by in situations where I couldn’t before with the expensive hearing aids. I’m hoping this cyborg tendency will continue with the eyes and maybe better glasses will solve the problem Though it may be cataracts and more anxiety. I ‘m such a wooz when it comes to myself.  I muddle through with no choice but all I do is pray. Prayer is all I can do.

Madigan is being pretty good.  Growls at me with wagging tail.  Ripped up my new linen sheet when Laura came but really was a gentleman in church.  He was wearing his new rain coat but doesn’t like me putting it on.  

I can’t get over how much I’m liking my home again.  I’ve completely cleaned out the mouse dropping problem. It wasn’t as bad this year as when I’ve returned previous years. I got rid of any invitations and put out mouse replellants and traps though I caught none.

There’s an election in April. I’ve given money to the Federal Conservative Party, Pierre Poilevre and our local Burnaby PC candidate.  

I contacted the CMDA and asked to pay my annual dues. When they contacted me I was away so now I’ve money in the bank and time to address this. The only outstanding membership I think now is the Canadian Society of Addiction Medicine. My ISAM membership is on automatic pay. All the other memberships I believe are paid. I just seem to have been deluged since returning March 1.

It’s hard to believe how much I’ve done in 3 weeks.  A whole lot of patient calls, getting my home back, taking my camper in, and all the forms for Anil to do taxes and a weekend with Laura and Madigan getting groomed.  It’s been exhausting but now that it’s letting up I’m really pleased. This is the second Merry Maid visit and it’s just a joy to have the clean place and great smell of incense. I’ve also organized my clothing though I have more to take away.  I’ve been paid too so it’s been good to have the steady flow of work and money to maintain this all.

Also I’m really thankful for the upcoming election.  I’ve been so disheartened by Trudeau and then Carney was worse, elite communist globalist taxaholics.  I don’t like the Sharia innvsaion and the anti Christian anti Jewish attacks.  I’m concerned about aging. 

I really enjoyed Bruce Coburn.  This week, Friday, after the ophthalmologist , we have tickets to the VSO and Chopin. 

Thank you God for all your blessings. Thank you for the rain that so helps the plants and trees and flowers. Thanks you for cleaning ladies. Thanks you for Kevin who will fix the camper with the insurance folk.  Thank for Kelvin who keeps this unit function and will replace the toilet in the camper before I take it to Nappeanee after the first week of May. It’s only a month and some away.  Amazing. I’ve a tight schedule with the IDAA  Spokane conference in July and international AA convention here in July.

I enjoyed going to St. Barnabus Church with Madigan who was a perfect gentleman

I loved getting steaks and pork chops and sausages for Laura and me for her visit .  When she’s here next time I’ll have to order chinese or me and Ed’s’ pizza.  

I bought a bread maker and had to make three loaves before I got it right. The yeast was the issue.  All three tasted great but the third one rose and looked like a good loaf.

I’ve made a couple of pounds of roast Ethiopian beans in the roaster. I had a lot of green beans so great to get them roasted. I’ve really enjoyed the taste.  

I’ve written a couple of chapters on my Addiction book. Must continue.

I’ve walked Madigan three or four times a day. Away I was able to make 10,000 steps but back I’ve been doing 4000 steps. On the weekend we had a River walked.  Great blue heron sighting. One by the little river rapids and another standing on a blank overlooking the river. I ‘ve fasted a couple of days since return. I am overweight and must lose weight if only to ease the back pain.

I am reading King Authro series , Bernard Cornwell. Enemy of God. Last year I enjoyed his Stonehenge book. I completed the Oxford course , Archeology Prehistory, Ritual and Religion.  I actually got 10 CAT points thanks to Adell and Aim.  I was overwhelmed with court work in the course despite my trying to clear the scheduled . I plan to do another course next year on mysticism and spirituality.  I’ve no time this year but I love the learning. I’ve got the course load for the CME with IDAA and I want to do the Pacific psychopharmacology course that’s held in November. I’ve a CME Doctors of BC speciality meeting and with my mentoring I’m definitely sufficiently active despite my age. I’m doing elational work for George with the Wednesday group so not isolateing. 

I really am blessed and thankful. God is good all the time. Thank you Jesus.