March Spring Rains

Spring rains persist. Regular downpours and cloudy days. I am missing the sun and dessert but actually rather content to be home

The Merry Maids came today. They did a fabulous job despite Madigan supervising them with barks and growers. I took him to Macdonald’s for a burger. It allowed them into my garage office. I’d spent this weekend cleaning it up and surprisingly it just needed sorting rather than a storage locker run. I did get rid of another bag for the Diabetes foundation. Returning I was delighted by the order and cleanliness of the place.

I’ve been looking at Thor Class A motorhomes.  Ernest and Nicolina showed me there’s and I’m so impressed. It’s not as big at Peter and Larry’s Tiffany.  It about 32 feet I think, Thor Hurricane with one slide. That’s had me looking at motorhomess.  I’m seeing lots of second hand range I could afford and am sure I ‘need’ one this year.  This fifth wheel is really terrific but big and I don’t want to learn the driving skills to haul it. I’ve used tow trucks but the costs have increased.  Besides after a couple of months down south with my camper I’ve decided I’d like to be mobile. If I can’t haul this because back up into things with trailers I can get a bus and haul my mini.  I will have to find a way to put the Vespa on board though an electric bicycle will do fine.

I have an ophthalmology apt so will know if I’m likely to be driving for the next decade or so to justify getting another vehicle. I’m reminded how sad Dad was when his eyes tight went. I’m already going dreaf and am getting by in situations where I couldn’t before with the expensive hearing aids. I’m hoping this cyborg tendency will continue with the eyes and maybe better glasses will solve the problem Though it may be cataracts and more anxiety. I ‘m such a wooz when it comes to myself.  I muddle through with no choice but all I do is pray. Prayer is all I can do.

Madigan is being pretty good.  Growls at me with wagging tail.  Ripped up my new linen sheet when Laura came but really was a gentleman in church.  He was wearing his new rain coat but doesn’t like me putting it on.  

I can’t get over how much I’m liking my home again.  I’ve completely cleaned out the mouse dropping problem. It wasn’t as bad this year as when I’ve returned previous years. I got rid of any invitations and put out mouse replellants and traps though I caught none.

There’s an election in April. I’ve given money to the Federal Conservative Party, Pierre Poilevre and our local Burnaby PC candidate.  

I contacted the CMDA and asked to pay my annual dues. When they contacted me I was away so now I’ve money in the bank and time to address this. The only outstanding membership I think now is the Canadian Society of Addiction Medicine. My ISAM membership is on automatic pay. All the other memberships I believe are paid. I just seem to have been deluged since returning March 1.

It’s hard to believe how much I’ve done in 3 weeks.  A whole lot of patient calls, getting my home back, taking my camper in, and all the forms for Anil to do taxes and a weekend with Laura and Madigan getting groomed.  It’s been exhausting but now that it’s letting up I’m really pleased. This is the second Merry Maid visit and it’s just a joy to have the clean place and great smell of incense. I’ve also organized my clothing though I have more to take away.  I’ve been paid too so it’s been good to have the steady flow of work and money to maintain this all.

Also I’m really thankful for the upcoming election.  I’ve been so disheartened by Trudeau and then Carney was worse, elite communist globalist taxaholics.  I don’t like the Sharia innvsaion and the anti Christian anti Jewish attacks.  I’m concerned about aging. 

I really enjoyed Bruce Coburn.  This week, Friday, after the ophthalmologist , we have tickets to the VSO and Chopin. 

Thank you God for all your blessings. Thank you for the rain that so helps the plants and trees and flowers. Thanks you for cleaning ladies. Thanks you for Kevin who will fix the camper with the insurance folk.  Thank for Kelvin who keeps this unit function and will replace the toilet in the camper before I take it to Nappeanee after the first week of May. It’s only a month and some away.  Amazing. I’ve a tight schedule with the IDAA  Spokane conference in July and international AA convention here in July.

I enjoyed going to St. Barnabus Church with Madigan who was a perfect gentleman

I loved getting steaks and pork chops and sausages for Laura and me for her visit .  When she’s here next time I’ll have to order chinese or me and Ed’s’ pizza.  

I bought a bread maker and had to make three loaves before I got it right. The yeast was the issue.  All three tasted great but the third one rose and looked like a good loaf.

I’ve made a couple of pounds of roast Ethiopian beans in the roaster. I had a lot of green beans so great to get them roasted. I’ve really enjoyed the taste.  

I’ve written a couple of chapters on my Addiction book. Must continue.

I’ve walked Madigan three or four times a day. Away I was able to make 10,000 steps but back I’ve been doing 4000 steps. On the weekend we had a River walked.  Great blue heron sighting. One by the little river rapids and another standing on a blank overlooking the river. I ‘ve fasted a couple of days since return. I am overweight and must lose weight if only to ease the back pain.

I am reading King Authro series , Bernard Cornwell. Enemy of God. Last year I enjoyed his Stonehenge book. I completed the Oxford course , Archeology Prehistory, Ritual and Religion.  I actually got 10 CAT points thanks to Adell and Aim.  I was overwhelmed with court work in the course despite my trying to clear the scheduled . I plan to do another course next year on mysticism and spirituality.  I’ve no time this year but I love the learning. I’ve got the course load for the CME with IDAA and I want to do the Pacific psychopharmacology course that’s held in November. I’ve a CME Doctors of BC speciality meeting and with my mentoring I’m definitely sufficiently active despite my age. I’m doing elational work for George with the Wednesday group so not isolateing. 

I really am blessed and thankful. God is good all the time. Thank you Jesus. 

 

Home reflections

Home is a feeling but it’s tied to a place.  I’m here now. I feel safe in my home.  It’s known. It’s temporary.  Life is ephemeral.  My dog Madigan is here with me. I’m still struggling with Frazerway RV.  I have sent an email  to James Epp. He’s not returned the call.  

There I wrote a letter and will send it registered mail.  I looked up Better Business Bureau complaints and they’re the same kind. Bullying, covert aggression, gas lighting communication.  I wonder if it’s Dianna Smith or the company policy.  She does sound impaired or sociopathic. It’s hard to distinguish. Laura says she repeats herself.  She could be on psychiatric medication or cannabis.  I loved that our insurance agent described her communication style in the same way.  The complaints on Better Business Bureau refer to the same absurdities that we’ve been facing. 

Well. I was meditating this morning and that entered my mind.  I’ve taken action.  

It started to be a sunny hot day like yesterday but there’s overcast and it’s chilly.

I woke at 530 am and decided to get up to Madigan’s delight.  I really had appealing dreams. Surprising as I’ve been watching Stranger Things episodes.  

Laura is coming over on the weekend.  Staycations.  She says coming here is liking a holiday. She’s living in downtown Vancouver.  I feel a bit ‘bored’ with my existence but that’s really okay.  I most enjoyed this week lying outside on the lawn chair in the really hot sun. I have some tan.  It’s not the beach but frankly I like my back yard and access to all my ‘stuff’.  If I was away I wouldn’t have as much ‘stuff’ to play with.  

There’s so much I could do but I’m coasting.  I walk Madigan. I go for hot tubs and swims. I’m reading a lot.  I feel I should be writing books and yet I don’t do that. The most I’ve been able to do as a project is the reading and copying of St. John. I doing in depth learning. 

I don’t really know what I’ll do when I grow up,

I have the storage locker to sort.

I was sorry my friend Anne was sick. I’m hoping she gets over her flu or covid soon.  

We’re older.  We’ve passed a lot of the milestones for illness and the future is bright. Yet there’s that sense of egg shells as more friends die and we learn of the ages of our celebrities.  Arlo Guthrie 75. Bob Dylan 80.  The list goes on. Even the best of us are looking older.  I feel I exude less energy. There’s a paleness.  Yet I figure I’ll live to be 100. It’s a terrible thought that I’ll one day outlive Madigan like I did Gilbert. Stuart and Shinto.

He’s beside me chewing on a purple dragon toy. 

The nephews and friends children are all growing.  I am surprised when I think of yesterday and how often it’s only that in my mind. In reality it’s years past.  Increasingly I’m collapsing the time of the past and don’t really know when major events took place according to years. I have to look up dates and then am surprised it was that long ago.  

I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Before this fifth wheel I had and RV. My brother’s sickness and death were pivotal.  Closing of my practice was too.  Yet it’s somewhere in the last 5 to 10 years. I feel I need to make a timeline.  

I’m enjoying reading.

Monkey pox and Pride seem omninous.  

I’m isolating a bit for safety, not liking the road rage, feeling safe here and not wanting to go out there. That explorer adventurer aspect is watered down. It may be another year of waiting for the rebound after Covid. Continued corruption with the Liberals and Ottawa Continues threat of communist infiltration and take over.  There’s even threat of nuclear war again.  My response is to stay home.  Funny that. If I want insaniety I can switch on the news.  

Meanwhile I”m enjoying being here.  I like skirts. Last weekend I was interested again in perfumes and colognes.  

I was looking at the hunting guide and didn’t have much interest in hunting or fishing for that matter.  Last year I wasn’t that interested in riding my Harley. This year I’m loving it again.  Not having the camper has disrupted my summer routine. I’m still remembering Europe.  

No new desire has arisen.  I don’t have any drive to do more than what I’m doing. The idea of reading in my back yard on a lawn chair in the sun is simply heavenly.  

Another day of work.  Not too difficult.  I need to do a lot more work on myself, my character defects often astonish me, they’re so recurring.  My fear and anger are still there. My frustration with government is still the same. I need to forgive and forget and trust God more.  

Thank you Jesus for another day.  

Thank you for all the blessings. 

Thank you for sobriety

Thank you.

Blue Heron in Brunette River Walk with Gilbert

I have often seen the blue heron in the neighbourhood. He tours a mile distance and has a nest back in the olds high in the trees. I’ve most often spotted him down by the little falls much further along the trail. Today though he was nearer and he had just flown a short ways further so we saw him gain.

Authenticity, Psychiatry and Brunette River Walk

I’ve just had a lovely walk along the Brunette River with Gilbert, my blind Cockapoo.  I took my iPhone X and my Apple Air Pods to listen to the Podcast on Authenticity, July 4, 2016, from the University of Oxford, 8th Unconscious Memory seminar, “Trust in Experts.”
Authenticity is a critical factor in clinical medicine, especially psychiatry and even more important in Addiction Psychiatry and Addiction Medicine.  A number of the leading specialists in this field feel most strongly that if a practitioner is unwilling to self disclose their own struggle with addiction then they really don’t belong in the field.
It’s noted that in general medicine non compliance can range to 30% In psychiatry it’s not uncommonly 80% and it well can be argued that in Addiction Psychiatry it’s not uncommonly 100%. This gave rise to the development of motivational psychotherapy and a scale assessing willingness to change.
In contrast in general medicine where the patient is seeking help and has a particular complaint, this is increasingly less the case as clinicians are increasingly coopted by third parties to do their bidding rather than 'heal' which is what the doctor's original role was before the corruption. The 'voluntariness' of the patient, seeking help for a bio psycho social or physical or mental problems still exists.   In Forensic Psychiatry by contrast, the psychiatrist is backed by jail and guns, the patient not being 'free' and care potentially 'coerced'.   In addiction psychiatry there’s a peculiar dance in which the ‘therapeutic alliance’ is foundational and critical.
St. Paul,  was the first Addiction Psychiatrist and said , Romans 7.20  "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do  I do not do, but what I hate I do."
Repeatedly studies of psychotherapeutic outcomes in psychotherapy and especially psychiatric psychotherapy and even more so Addiction Psychiatry/Medicine, has declared the critical importance of ‘authenticity’.  Note that, in contrast to studies which historically declared doctors the most trusted of experts and lawyers the least trusted and politicians.  Administrative medicine given it’s ’scripted’ association with the whims of politics and lack of scientific veracity, has yet no need for ‘authenticity’. Indeed 'in authentic doctors would likely be attracted to such an aloof in human field of scripts and obedience to the degree that Arendt described as 'banal'.   The closer to the ‘police’ the administrative function is the less it requires “authenticity’. It doesn't directly serve the patient but serves the institution. Relying as Forensic Psychiatry does on ‘position authority’ and ‘weapons’ versus ’tools’, it really doesn't know the importance of 'authenticity' or 'spontaneity' . It doesn't even grasp the concept of 'therapeutic alliance' because it's focus is 'walls' and 'boundaries' rather than the kind of 'cooperative' process which occurs in frontline clinical work where individuals are not hierarchically established despite the 'talking points' presentation of this relationship based on 'cultural communism.'
The significance of ‘authenticity’ is further important given the rise in ‘fake news’.  Ironically, a Harvard study found that some percentage akin to 75% of pro Hillary reporting and 75% of pro Republican reporting was ‘fake news’.  More significantly the ‘fake news’ was remembered and more ‘effective’ than the truth in deciding election outcome.
Churchill said, ‘a lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."  The great Nazi Marketting Guru, Goebels, said, "A lie told once remains a lie but a lie told a thousand times becomes the truth."  and "the bigger the lie the more it will be believed."
Prof. Andrew Parker, Physiology, Anatomy and Genetics at Oxford discussed his fascinating study of brain activity using modern brain scanning techniques.  They took Rembrant Paintings ones known to be authentic and ones known to be ‘fake’ and showed them to their subjects equally.   He said it was unfortunate but that their subjects brains didn’t differentiate authentic and fake.  What was most important was that when they were told that a copy was a fake the brain behaved differently.  Indeed the ‘fake’ was made more memorable because the subjects seemed to be more interested what made it ‘fake’  rather than the ‘original’.
In clinical work, a patient faced with an ‘inauthentic’ or outright ‘lying’ clinician tends to focus most on that and not hear or pay much attention to the message after. This is especially true in the addiction field where patients have experienced significant trauma and know intuitively all the subtleties of in authenticity, like ‘damning with faint praise’, “trust me I’m here to help you”, "I'm not concerned for myself or seeking revenge I'm just concerned for others that they won't have to experience the terrible things I have."
An interesting study of administrative medicine showed that administrators were incapable of recognizing sociopaths which were readily identified by a judge.  As a family physician I had difficulty understanding certain psychiatric patients referring several a year to psychiatrists. Now I have seen tens of thousands and spent 4 decades working with psychopaths, sociopaths, psychotics and addicted I'm very experienced in this process. I actually find alot of people rather 'loud' because they're literally shouting their psychopathology and neediness and showing all manner of verbal, non verbal behaviours usually without any insight whatsoever.  Bullies are especially transparent.  Lawyers and administration are often a bit amusing to a psychiatrist because they historically rely on the 19th century masculine idea of 'playing their cards close to their chest” when in fact they radiate 'tells' time and time again mostly because they are so often 'above the law' and lack the skills and fitnesse of those below them or the chameleon psychopaths who routinely use them. Sociopathic women, borderlines are very adept as playing to the sexual weaknesses of the older male authorities by suggestively implying that they find them sexually arousing and that if they're supportive they might well be rewarded. The whole 'victim' culture which has been described extensively as  'cultural marxism" and coopting feminism. (Fiamenco, Hoff Summers, Dana Davison etc).
The stigmatization of mentally ill and addicted  patients has long been associated with an equal stigmatization of those who directly care for such people.  Such care givers are used to the discrimination, the jokes, the demeaning and humiliation that their patients suffer.  There's an element of fear which those unfamiliar with insanity have while those who are insane and especially the dementing are as bad as the 'lady that protestest too much."
Dr. Hannah Drayson, “The Experience of Spontaneity” , Digital Art and Technology, Plymouth University, talked about hypnosis and gave special reference to psychotherapy.  Spontaneity is the antithesis of the Bureaucratic Administrative Process. Indeed the ‘spontaneity’ of President Trump has infuriated the entrenched methodical bureaucratic government awakening from the experience of 2 decades of Lawyer Presidents, Obama, the Clintons and the Bushs. The American populist reaction is simply a backlash against this  perceived elite back room dealing.
Spontaneity is threatening to those ’stuck’. Studies show that ‘learned helplessness’ and the return to the ‘fetal position’ is more common than the idea of renewed ‘escape’ and ‘progress’.  Apathy is the characterization of the Canadian population along with those in asylums and jails. It was the character of the ‘peasants’ both before and after the Revolution and Lenin’s symbolic and actual killing of the Czar , his wife and his children.  The godless state has been more cruel than any godly state before.  Yet Canada trends to this as did the European Union with it’s appalling layers upon layers of  Brussels Bureaurocy. Dr. Phillip Ney has recorded that the numbing of the killing of  abortion in a society has made the administration insensitive to the 'people'.
It’s sad really that Authenticity and Spontaneity, critical to psychiatric psychotherapy and especially Addiction Psychiatry have so little meaning to lawyers and administrators.

As I continued my walk along the Brunette River I was happy to see the green tinged Mallard male and his female mate. There’s a flock of these ducks that commonly make their home along this stretch.
I especially enjoyed seeing the Wood duck male, a very colourful fellow. It was my first sighting of him this spring. I’ve not seen the female. This is likely the couple that has nested the last two years in the little man made lagoon. I so enjoyed watching the couple with their ducklings. Tragically each year I’ve seen the ducklings go missing till none remained.  I suspect a very happy coyote made that lagoon it’s dinner stop.
The mallards don’t seem to have this problem so I was glad to see the Wood Duck further down the stream.  I do hope that the couple have learned that the lagoon is a bad neighbourhood.
I was  blessed to see the Kingfisher darting by above the fast rushing stream. A couple of Kingfishers have made this river home.  I’ve spent years trying to photograph them as the male seems always on the go.
The Great Blue Heron was there too.  He actually let me take his picture. Last year I found his nest high up in the near by woods.  I took a video of him lifting off and was so pleased with myself only to lose it when I didn’t back up my photos.

A number of us with dogs gathered and chatted about the day, dogs, plans, grand children, dogs, children, and dogs, WWIII unfolding, dogs, generally having a good chat. The dogs all licked genitals and sniffed asses. Rick was still wearing his pyjama bottoms.  I came home for my second cup of coffee.

It was a great walk made better by the podcast and delightful first sightings of returning birds. The flowers are all blossoming. The daffodils are truly a delight. We are making plans to visit the Tulips near Abbotsford.  Le Conner near Bellingham and now the Canadian Tulips are an annual wake up experience for the winter weary brain.

Spring is such a joy with all it’s authenticity and spontaneity.

Walk with Gilbert along the River

Today Gilbert and I had a couple of long walks.  These are the photos along the way.  Spring is upon us. I loved the sun today.  
I always enjoy the mallards.
I
The heron sometimes is in the river but today it was up in the trees. I think it's a Great Blue Heron, but probably female or young because it doesn't have the big beard the older Great Blue male sports. 
Gilbert isn't very patient with my stopping to take pictures. You can see he's looking back to see why i'm doddling.

I miss my brother. When we were kids I'd be able to ask him what the birds were. We were both keen on watching birds (ornithology) He'd be able to tell me if this was a Great Blue.  I wasn't sure about the Song Sparrow either. I have to check the bird book repeatedly sometimes. When he's around I just ask and he knows.  After taking thousands of bird pictures he's got a pretty good idea. 

I liked the kingfishers so much I uploaded them by themselves. 
The trail itself is pretty.There's damns on the river and I especially like the fences ..
At the end of the second long walk Gilbert was ready for a nap.  He does at least a hundred steps to my one. He moves a lot faster too.

Burnaby Cariboo Walk with Gilbert

I've walked Gilbert dozens of times along these Burnaby trails. Usually I'm out before work in the dark or at night in the dark after work. Occasionally I see the trails in the daylight. Then there are usually other people out then too. I feel a bit proprietorial then. They weren't out pushing their strollers,bicycling, jogging or power walking in the darkness when Gilbert and I, the coyotes, cougars and other wild creatures were making use of the park. They are definitely fair-weather park users. Gilbert's desire to pee has me out in the parks in blizzards and down pouring rains so heavy only the occasional other dog and owner is out there. That's when Gilbert comes alive wanting to cavort, hump and generally doggy socialize while the other owner and I share dog comments in passing.
Today though I took a camera just to remember all the things I take for granted when I take Gilbert to his lieu.



































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Location:Woodlake Ct,Burnaby,Canada