Sociopaths and their Communication

Another observation on sociopaths and their communications to add to their narcissism, narcissistic entitlement, compulsive lying, denial and chronic rationalization is their insistence that they are cool and calm whereas you are  'over reacting' or even 'hysterical'.

They like to appear 'rational' which can be a product of their lack of feeling or sensitivity or a consequence of anesthetization by drugs or alcohol.  The fact is they are emotionally 'shallow' and lacking depth are 'still' like 'stagnant' waters, definitely not deep by any stretch of the imagination.

They have a hurtful and insensitive behaviour which reflects their intense jealousy and envy of others especially the majority of individuals who are clearly more emotionally developed than them and often have true accomplishments that make these latter individuals admired.

Sociopaths lack essential boundaries usually because of an overly sexualized relationship with their mothers especially if they are male. Whether the mother has encouraged this perception is a separate issue. Females will have serious sexual issues either oversexualized or innappropriately asexual and will misperceive adult sexual behaviour because of their lack of truly adult sexual emotional development , The fact remains that male or female they are developmentally fixated at a point where they are unable to differentiate them selves truly with others. What is good for them they assume is good for everyone else. They do not feel themselves causing pain but really do experience pain when others reflect back to them what they 'dish out'.  They can 'give it' but they simply cannot 'take it'.  They 'feed' on people and graze through social networks using up families and friends often by excessive demand for attention, influence or loans of money.

Lacking a separation of self from the other and being truly ego centric they simply lack feelings for others and only feel for themselves.  Professionals collectively describe them as pathologically narcissistic.  They appear to love their children as long as their children 'mirror' them and will love their families as long as their families don't question their often bizarre and privately insane behaviour. The most disturbed  will threaten to kill their wives, will kill their children and commonly are the ones one reads about in newspapers as stalking and killing their families. These are the individuals also who kill a co worker over a minor 'slight' yet appeared quite normal to those who didn't really know them, were new to their social network, yet probably had seem them reacting apparently 'rational' and saying to someone else that 'they' were 'over reacting'.

Hence when they are hurting and uncaring of others they see others as 'over reacting' and 'being hysterical'. However, most commonly these boy men and girl women, hurt themselves are the worst squealers, whiners and drama queens. They inflict pain without concern but hurt  themselves they become big babies and scream and sometimes even pee. They rage and pout and were it not for their outward adult appearances would be recognised for exactly what they are.  In psychiatry wards they are given frequent 'time outs' and in jails they spend inordinate amount of time in solitary.  They lack the developmental capacity of understanding laws in an abstract sense and only respond to laws as 'threat' and 'potential hurt'.  Lacking any true sense of  family or community they can't comprehend really anything so sophisticated as the 'golden rule'.  They principally operate on the simple hedonistic rule of 'if it feels good do it' and 'if it hurts others, don't get caught'.

Threatened they lack all manner of adult behaviour and devolve into infantile gestures and sometimes even assume fetal positions. Considering their over sensitivity to any even minor insult to themselves in contrast to their own grossly insulting and damaging behaviour they try desperately to produce the greatest level of 'victimship' because they lack higher levels of inhibition. When they 'steal' and 'assault' others they try to cover up the damages with 'talk' and 'promises'.  Unfortunately they are all talk and talk is cheap, especially when it lacks any connection to reality but rather comes with the lies and magical thinking of their highly distorted inner fantasy world.

The borderline variants of sociopaths especially the male borderline sociopaths are this odd mix of outward manliness and sadistic or passive aggressive tough boy behaviour coupled with this truly unseemly girlish behaviour when ever they themselves aren't on top, winning or being seen positively. Homophobia often is their way of covering up their latent homosexuality.  Further they are commonly antisemetic or identify with neo nazi elements.   They imagine emotional abuse where none is and have a chronic almost paranoid flavour whenever they are not being adulated.

Splitting is essential to their undeveloped character so they see people in black and white terms, as either you're all for me or all against me. At times this becomes overt paranoia and they can rant for hours about someone who has harmed them when usually the person is someone who has not tolerated their abuse and attack.

 If they ran face first into a stationary brick wall they'd insist the wall was out to get them and coming at them. Given the depth of their infantile fixation the world is all about them and metaphorically bite the nipple with intense sadism then complain vociferously if their "victims"  and "prey" pull back or avoid them.






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Self Pity

Self Pity is a term that refers to a person who expresses depression or sadness in a tone of 'poor me'. It commonly is associated with the words "pity party". It's also seen as feeling 'sorry for oneself'.  To have these feelings one has a combination of 'resentment' and 'sadness'.  Sadness is merely an experience of feeling low with loss.
Self pity in contrast to sadness carries an element of entitlement and anger that 'blames' someone or 'other' for the loss.
The value of 'self pity' is the 'secondary gain' involved.  If I feel 'sorry for myself' and feel 'entitled' to something more then I can refuse to 'accept' the 'value judgement' of others or the world and 'believe' that my own 'self assessment' of my own 'worth' as 'what ever' is the 'true' or 'absolute' value.
Hence I am equal before God or equal as a single vote in a democracy but I may not be 'equal' as a fighter pilot commander.
Often people who express 'self pity' get their own 'intrinsic' expectation that they feel 'society' should pay them in status or money mixed up with what they would 'like' or 'desire'.
The 'desire' is translated into 'what should be'.  As things 'arent' then someone 'should be blamed'.
Commonly people with self pity will present as 'depressed' when the depression isn't just sadness but has this 'anger/sad' component. Further the reason for 'self pity' might be defused. In this case a single girl will feel self pity for being alone and blame her situation on the refusal of men to treat her with the attention she wants. A single man might feel that women don't pay him the respect he feels he deserves.
All of these positions involve 'entitlement' and entitlement says I don't need to 'earn' the attention but rather I am 'owed" the attention.
When working or being with a person with simple depression there is sadness but the person with self pity 'gets under your skin' because they often implicity blame you in part for your good fortune.Often people who express self pity want to be rescued.
Rather than improve their happy dance so people throw money at them they attempt to embellish their 'unhappy' dance so that you will feel guilty and throw money at them.
In children self pity is seen as a 'pout'.
In adults it's seen as often as 'painful'.
Interestingly , antidepressant medications have worked well with treating the 'sadness' whereas antipsychotic medications work better with 'self pity'.
Philosophically 'self pity' is tied to a theory or meaning of the greater whole whereas sadness is commonly see in people who actually don't tend to 'blame" others as easily as those who have 'self pity' or 'poor me".
A sad person will say I am poor. A self pitying person will say "Poor me".
Historically sadness was seen as a neurotic position whereas 'self pity' was seen more in the personality disorder spectrum.
 We all have self pity at different times, like when we say "I should have won the lottery" or "I shouldn't have to pay so much in taxes".  The "pity party" is the individual who always goes on and on about it.
In Narcissistic Entitlement the person without shoes is going on and on about how they should have shoes and trying to get legless men to pay for their shoes since they obviously don't need shoes.