Passive Aggression

Passive Aggression is the serious form of aggression.  It's also been called 'covert' aggression as opposed to "overt".  It was once called 'female aggression' though it's always been beyond gender.
It's the strike and it's the lock out.  It is the pout compared to the temper tantrum. It's the little boy drawing attention to himself, holding up the class outing, by taking a long time to tie his shoes.
It's the beaurocrats and courts that make themselves look more important by delaying a decision to increase it's cost.  It's the headache feigned by the woman in bed not wanting to have sex but unwilling to be honest with her partner. It's the man who throws up by sticking his fingers down his throat so he can't make the visit to the mother in laws.  It's the strike.
It's the slow down. It's the half measure. It's the half hearted and half brained.  It's devious and deceptive. It's painful and adolescent and causes as much damage in it's permutations as any active or overt aggression.
It's nursed rage. It's revenge. It's the poison as compared to the gun. It's cold smouldering resentment. It's unforgiving.
It's faint praise. It's ugly. It's sick. It's mean. It's common. It's human and animal. I don't know if mollusks and snails do it.
It's immature. It's nasty.  It's pathetic.  It's going slowly to the emergency and arriving just as the patient dies. It's the follow up police moving slowly to the emergency and arriving after the first arriving unliked police gets shot. It's work to rule.  It's "accidentally" forgetting.
I don't think it's 'unconscious' and I don't think the word "passive" is appropriate.  I call aggression either covert or overt.  That puts the onus of proof on the aggressor. I personally hold them guilty until proven innoscent. Mostly I avoid passive aggressive people if  I can.  Life is too short.  Come back when you're toilet trained.

Controlling

Controlling is a necessary part of leadership. Leadership is obvious where it's an assigned role or where a person has agreed upon specific authority such as a guide or teacher.
Where it's toxic and bullying and may reflect underlying developmental issues is when the situation is recreational and there is no 'assigned' or 'agreed on' leadership. This can happen in all manner of relationships.
Often 'controllers' reckonizing their ugliness conceal their behaviour with a variety of strategies from passive aggressive, to mild aggreement.  'What would you like to do?" is followed by "Whatever you want to?" but then a pout occurs if you answer "skydiving". 
The "Whatever you want to do?" was really an invitation for you to play one of the controllers favourite games, "can you make me happy by telling me what I want to hear.'  This is also called the 'telepathy' or "mind reader" games.  The controller thinks "I'm having fun when everyone does what I really like to do.'  Often the controller thinks, "you don't really know what is good for you, I do, and therefore I will help you make decisions, without actually 'telling' you what I want, because I know people don't like to be 'told'. Controllers never appreciate how utterly narcissitic they are since they see themselves as such caring people.
Often among kids the controllers are identified by some kid saying "Who made you God?"  Adults are less likely to be so honest but nonetheless will find that being manipulated by controllers is irriating. Controllers at heart are really very limitted and afraid.  They act out of fear.
In transaction analysis terms (Games People Play) controlling is person who can't give up the 'parental' role in a play context.  Those who can't stop being 'parents' and 'adults' in play contexts are usually quite afraid of their 'inner child' who they think is a kind of evil twin.  Controllers often 'act' good and 'appear' good but in fact that's a cover up.  Underneath they're often angry and resentful.  Controllers want to be taken care of and want the world they are living in to be safe and to their design based on the limits of their past which gets lived out continuously in the present which they have to control or bad things might happen.  Controllers are desperately afraid of 'bad' things and the baddest things are 'unknowns'.  Hence why such good people are often said to live lives of quiet desperation.
They lack joy but have a kind of contentment. They're putting in time and want others around them to be satisfied within the prison of their perception. They never question the 'good enough'.  They don't like people who charge at windmills or reach for the stars.  In a way politically they are lemmings because they refuse to rock the boat or stick out. Behind the scenes they like to manipulate and control though.  Smiling they frown.