Vancouver Pride Parade

“How many cocks does a person have to suck today to be ‘gay’? I asked a gay real estate tycoon.

 We’d discussed the expansion of he Queer political minority to 10% when the heterosexual majority excluded a member for any deviance .  The gays graciously  inclusive accepted the discards.  Now however with the polical ascendancy of the fringe a fellow had told me that he felt excluded as ‘not gay enough’ .  He identified as gay but couldn’t remember the last time he had sex.  

“It’s not about cocks today, it’s where you shop? He replied.

Given the number of banks marching in the Pride Parade it really was as much about pride and lust as lust, avarice and gluttony if one was thinking theologically. Pride isn’t about that though but rather the antidote to the shame.  “Velvet Rage, growing up gay in a straight mans world” by psychologist Alan Downs speaks to the shame that is such a part of the experience of exclusion. 

Here the disparate groups of once truly fringe folk have coalesced into a minority lobby along with their friends.   

As part of consumer society the LGBT movement has gained financial and political weight.  Once a fringe expression against the criminalization of sexuality or just plain marginalization. The Pride Parades  began in protest and rapidly became solidarity. 1969 Stonewall Riots began the roll back of the State scapegoaintg of another minority.  I couldn’t help but think of the Irish and the Irish Parade, actually the last parade I attended, wearing a great green hat on the occasion.  The Pride Parade now competes with the Chinese New Year Parade for loudness and colour.

I hadn’t been here in more than a decade because of a conflicting medical conference. I’d wanted to go to support the Recovery community a significant presence.  The Last Door Float is a sensation. I loved seeing those Clean and Sober dancing in the street. There was significant representation from the native societies andMetis. I loved the Durex Condom group, lots of fun and frolic indeed. I’ve always loved what began as Dykes on Bikes but now even included a unicycle.

In the audience which lined the sidewalk six deep it seemed there were more young people. I am getting old. Still lots of skin and and youth and beauty along with young families. Lots of Asian but people of every origin and mix. Typical Vancouver. Truly diverse. Rainbow shorts and capes and ribbons. Multicoloured ballon’s and loud club  music. Costumes were way over the top. Lots of sparkle and glitter. 

When I was growing up being gay was illegal. I didn’t know it then but later learned even heterosexuals were restricted to missionary sex. State and religious control was intrusisive and ubiquitous.

The basic message of Christianity was “Love God and Love your neighbour as yourself “ but the son of man and son of God who said that was killed by the church and state. No wonder aliens tell their children to lock their doors when they fly past the earth. They kill God there. 

After the despair of COVID’s and lockdowns I was thankful to be dressed up participating in this freedom celebration. Tamara Lich of the Freedom Convoy is still persecuted by Ottawa even as farmers protest more government overreach and abuse of power. The sadness is we are said to get the government we deserve. Ironically the Pride Parade invites humility. These are the jesters and this is the circus. Would there were such a parade for the bankers, judges, money launderers and drug dealers. I imagine it would be very dull in greys and blacks, men and women in suits frowning and not dancing.

I was glad to come and go. A huge turn out. As much as any parade it seemed this was just a chance for laughter and play. Certainly this beautiful city by the sea on this hottest of days was glad to participate. 

Davie Street

I left the little guy at home. I can see him on the security camera.  It serves as my baby cam when I’m away.

I rode the Vespa to David.  I was wanting to start PReP. It’s HIV prevention. I suspect it’s PTSD from my time in the VGH ER during the height of the Aids epidemic. I’m not sexually active with men but I always fear I wouldn’t say “no’.  I’ve had condoms with me at all times for decades. When ever I cross dress and go out I’m feel vulnerable. When I learned that PReP provided 99% efficacy as prevention from HIV I decided I should take it. 

I’ve wondered too about estrogens.  I’ve been with Laura for a couple of decades, fairly monogamous relationship with rare exceptions.  After divorce and all the losses , personally, emotionally and financially I really regretted the women I did’t sleep with. I decided after the last fiasco I’d not make a ‘committment’ sexually.  I find that women have lost interest with more security and my committment.  Laura of course is the best. Sex has been great for a couple of decades. She remains gorgeous but I’ve declined with age. I told a friend that the days and nights of lifting women and impaling them on a rock hard member are past. The lifting would not work with my painful back and even viagra would only make a leaning tower of Piza, searching for the angle would not be good. We’re both heavier than when we first met and older. Not in mind,mind you. 

It’s fun to be cross dressed, an attractive old lady, a Mrs. Doubtfire at best. Not a sexual object. Estrogen takes away the sex drive in men. The weight of years of service and being forever in parental mode, on call.. I feel no compulsion to ride to the rescue, fix the car, solve the problem, save the day, fight the dragons. I’ve a life of that. In a dress I’m more concerned with breaking a nail. Let other girls wear cammo and carry guns and wrenches. I cross dress and I’m off the clock. I’m receptive and observing. It’s another mode. 

For years I only felt comfortable out of the country beyond expectations. Now dressed as an old lady, a modern Klinger, I’m beyond the chronic criticism and demand for perfection. I’m in ‘girls just want to have fun mode.”

Great Thai lunch with Laura on Davie. I felt right at home as several others passed by. Considering women have been crossdressing, pant suits, slacks, jackets and ties, it’s fun to be among men who challenge the restrictions on male, the military uniform equivalent or worker jeans Man as Tool. Well I feel light, playful and childlike in a dress.It’s freeing. 

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June 7, 2020 Loosening Lockdown, Sunday morning, Little Birds

I slept in this morning. Laura woke up with Gilbert and gave him a little walk. When I woke I gave him his heart medication. We’d spoken with Dr. Biernacki at North Road Animal Hospital yesterday.  Gilbert’s  now on a higher dosage of one of his meds. Gilbert is doing better. He still coughs because of the congestive heart failure secondary to his valve disorder but he’s happier and perkier. He doesn’t want to walk as far but he seems really happy especially when Laura is around.  He crawled into bed with her this morning and ignored me.

Another day without exercise or meditation but I continue to pray.  Breakfast of sticky buns and coffee. I’m reading Justo Gonzalez’ History of Christianity. I read a chapter or two then put it down. So sad reading the hundred years of Christian persecution until Emperor Trajan  essentially said what the army said about homosexuality.  We’re only persecute it if it’s in our face. Then a chapter on the apologists. I’m enjoying this because it exposes the false perceptions about Christianity but also details the essential Christianity. It’s ironic Christians were called Aetheists because they worshiped an ‘unseen God’. Plato and Socrates spoke of a purer idea and Logos , the word is consistent with star stuff and the universal genetic code of all. Science and the Big Bang today are so spiritual.  I remember being ecstatic learning the Periodic Tables in chemistry and later holographs.

I’m also reading Malorie Cooper’s, How  Wearing Leggings Changed My Life.  She’s a science fiction writer from Saskatchewan who has come out about her transgenderism. I’m loving her fascination with fabrics and identify so much so with the smooth and silky feeling. I would read sci fiction as a child and loved this one series with blue aliens and the human explorers had these body suits that were sensuously smooth but totally flexible and like another layer of skin but impervious to harm, with self heating features that allowed the wearer to step into outer space and also travel on any planet with this circular clear lightweight helmut.  

I loved the sarong in the tropics and wearied of all the heavy parkas and clothing that were required in the north. I’m not surprised that someone from Saskatchewan would find an interest in easy clothing. I like functionality. I love jeans on motorcycles and wool pants hunting.  I really appreciate the rough clothing for rough work but have never really liked men’s clothing in the workplace for many years. Back in my 20’s and 30’s especially in the dance world and theatre and television I felt men’s clothing had promise but when I moved into the sciences there was this emphasis on ‘drab’ and a constant attempt by people to dress like the lawyers whose clothing was a kind of pseudo military drab.  They called it ‘power wear’. I have had jackets and slacks made from thousands of dollars fabrics but it always seems boring compared to the freer female wear.  So I’m enjoying Malorie Cooper’s , How wearing leggings changed my life. It reminded me immediately when my leading fashionista patient told me about spandex laced jeans and overnight I was wearing them with joy, no longer fighting against my clothing to move. I’ve become lazy and sore with age so appreciate all the help fashion can give. 

I was listening to a church service earlier too, enjoying the love of God and celebration of the teaching of Jesus.  I just never saw God or Jesus focusing on sex like the perverts in some congregation.  Family was celebrated by Christians. I truly believe that growing up as a child in church with a church attending Christian family was one of the greatest gifts. Yet feminism struck and I married non Christian women. At first we didn’t want children young so opted for birth control. Then the feminists put careers and that feminist girl control of sex and all the restriction on sex and all the men are wrong, women are right, estrogen versus testosterone, and testosterone is bad, and all the laws against men, and really it was awful. The girls were into threesomes with lawyers hidden under every bed and sex was utterly unlawful if it was heterosexual.  The College of Physicians and Surgeons registrars claimed ‘women don’t lie about sex’ . Overnight men were the persecuted object in Canada.   Smug is the word that best describes modern feminism. Arrogance,smug, controlled and mean, everyone offended and always offensive.  I was  affected. I lost respect for the Christian church when it joined the Communist rage of cultural marxism.  All the abortions and me first mentality. Well maybe it’s just flip the coin. The worst of men acted like that in some past now the worst of women act like that. In between there’s all of us bumbling around.  I would rather be alone with my dog in the woods than go to any social function with unknown women who could be offended. Laura and so many great women I know are the exception but it saddens me that women collectively have preferred Justin Trudeau, the pervert and chauvinist who says feminist to your face while diddling little girls behind the lawyer’s back. 

Children were also the social police. They define the adult’s behaviour most days most of the time.  Gilbert encourages a different behaviour from me.  Added to that mother knows right and again the gynocentric society labelled males as dirty and pornographic and women as motherly. But now we have Fifty Shades of Grey, Benzhazi Hillary in her pant suits and Feminism as Abortion and anti male. 

 I’m all beat up and just trying to do the right thing.  Meanwhile my ex was finally trying to kill me and kill herself and me and the whole of the world doesn’t get the ‘borderline’ !!!  I specialized in it, the cultural equivalent of suicide bombers and victim warriors.  Covert and Overt Aggression.  Then I worked in jails and asylums with male and female  psychopaths and sociopaths.  There’s simply not enough time and resources to fix stupid. So I turned back to God.

God isn’t interested in genitals. God doesn’t care if men and women have anal oral or genital intercourse. Clearly there are varying health benefits. But a lot of biblical wisdom was simply good health practice in the day. Hence don’t eat pork in dessert countries.  Hygiene is a modern aspect of the religion of sciences and medicine.  It’s interesting considering ‘washing’ is good and bad. Recent state promoted hand washing rituals have a negative consequence of increasing risk of transmission of disease unless we are using oils to replace the natural oils which protect against microbe transmission.  

Laura and Gilbert just returned from another walk. I”ve showered. I’ve actually got shorts and tshirt on and had another cup of coffee. I remember when Dad read the Winnipeg Free PRess cover to cover and it was considered an education in the day.  For years I enjoyed Sunday morning reading the New York Times cover to cover I had shipped into Winnipeg. Later I’d read the Manchester Guardian Weekly religiously overseas and Science and NEJM and I even loved listening to Barbara From on CBC.  That was back before the media was hijacked by communists and corporate fear mongering interests. I have even given up on much of the BBC in the last decade as it fell like CBC to sharia communist propaganda and censorship.  I read from a dozen competing sources today to get the news having acquired a sixth sense for propaganda. 

I’ve this new interest in ‘little bird’ photography,thoug. It excites me.  I’ve been into photography since my Dad interested me as a child.  I got my first RICOH dual lens and Dad converted the old ice hut for me to have a real dark room in the basement in my early teens. . I’d be my year book and school photographer and go on to take pictures for the newspapers and compete, even doing some weddings and portraits, but always interested in nature. I‘ve been getting paid for photography since I was a teen.  Never enough to quit my day time job but certainly enough to pay for dark room equipment and advanced camera lens. 

 The cost of colour photography was prohibitve so I didn’t continue with the color darkroom and while I had Pentax, Canon and Nikon SLRs wit colour, I’d just pretty much snap pictures. I was writing and publishing stories across canada and sometimes internationally so would include photographs I’d taken. My polar bear and beluga whale photos from Hudson Bay were incorporated into the government tourism guides for Manitoba. I sold a lot of pictures to companies for advertising purposes.  My photos of the Northern Medical Unit stint became part of the university’s recruitment. I even had portrait pictures back then that were used in corporate offices and placed on  university walls. I really did have a gift for portraiture which I think was part of my psychiatrist ability to see the best in people.  

 Such things come and go. I became interested in video more and have endless films of sailing and hiking and mountain climbing and vacations.  Lots of scenery and wildlife and less people. Beginning in my 40’s I was more alone and less in a crowd. Then when I joined AA I stopped taking pictures of all the parties and dances and people I was with simply because of the anonymity clause. I started my blog over a decade ago and with Facebook again became interested in posting pictures. I’d had my favourite photos blown up and posted on my walls but now just had all the joys of digital photography, taking dozens of shots and choosing the best for uploading with a journal story.  

I’ve become lazy photography.  I liked the Fido’s and money  when I was younger but now enjoy the instantaneous gratification. I am interested in taking pictures of little birds, my latest interest, a long way from the event photography or the bands, Simon and Garfunkel on stage circle 1970 and many other bands, or the sports photography and fires for the newspapers, and the travel photography for medical journals, sailing and hiking photography outdoors, big game, the classic moose and bear shots that almost got me killed in the process, all the crane and big bird photos.  I‘ve stayed with Nikon, the D5000 body and 500 lens and the wide angle and the zooms. 

 I grew tired of carrying all the gear and fell in love with the Nikon Coolpix line I could take too places like St. Petersburg and Delhi.  Older I became more concerned about attracting thieves expecially after being threatened by a a thief pointing a gun at me at night in Mexico City.   I was taking a picture of the beautiful cathedral lit up in the years I was fascinated by church’s and Christian icons. .  I had to chase the guy away with a knife despite the rule never take a knife to a gun fight.  I scared him and his friend. Faced with the gun I thought what stops him from taking my camera and killing so I refused to give him anything but pull out a knife and screaming  chased him.  Luckily he forgot to pull the trigger and his friend and he  escaped  the mad photograper running behind  their Honda 125 motorcycle.  

There was even a few years there a decade or so ago where I stopped carrying a camera in Mexico and Southern California because I was thinking it was affecting my ‘experience’ of my life, the thinking and feelings of the ‘present’ when carrying a camera. Twenty years ago I carried a sketch pad for a bit feeling that this was purer and helped perception more. 

Now I’m into little birds. I have always enjoyed ornithology, my brother and I and the family spotting birds in childhood and youth. I had the Golden series of little kid books and graduated to Audubon. My Scottish uncle was the seagull photopher for Audubon. My brother specialized in predator bird pictures and had his beautiful photographs displayed in museums.  My nephew now makes movies and does astronomy pictures. I feel that though I love my iPhone 11 with it’s spectacular camera that so made Laura and my India trip a joy, I‘ve now got the latest Coolpix P1000 thanks to discussion with my nephew. It‘s the right tool for little pictures.  It has a  magnificent telephoto and is helping my insatiable  thirst for taking little bird pictures. I get an ‘aha’ feeling each time I get a pure picture.  It’s joyful.  

Female Transvestism

All Western European and North American women are by definition "transvestic". They have been cross dressing with abandon however only in the last century. In the delightful movies about Coco the "sensation' caused by the great French designer Chanel's 'pants', the emblem of manhood in the Age of Rationalism, is well depicted.
It's not that women never were 'transvestic'. Female saints of medieval times were often caught without skirts. St. Joan of Arc was perhaps the most famous sainted cross dresser.
Early psychoanalytic writers argued, as commonly was the case ,from their ethnocentric persective, that women dressing as men 'increased their power." This interpretation derived from the social communism of early feminism which defined women as 'proletariat' and men as 'bourgeosie'. The leading feminists of that era commonly priviledged upper class women, defined themselves in traditional Marxist Leninist terms as the 'intellectuals' who indeed 'dictated to the proletariat'. Bra burning was only ever popular with women wealthy enough to afford an excessive amount of clothing.
However, in the same token, these self styled "social scientists' overlooked the obvious history of Scottish men wearing skirts. For blokes to wear frocks indeed took huge balls when the English low landers were outlawing, and putting to death, all highlanders wearing 'kilts' or sporting the 'tartan'.
In the Middle East the Arabian culture has long worn 'gowns' and 'same sex' or 'unisex' attire has prevailed around the world at various times without it having much significance from a 'status' perspective. Just as the great play, "The Hospitality Suite" by Roger Rueff later made into a movie, The Big Kahuna with the most memorable performance by Danny De Vito, contained the line "Jesus had nothing to say about women in business suits", so Jesus himself never wore pants.
Today, Dr. Ray Blanchard's work on transexual men has been underscored by recent MRI neuroscience studies. Dr. Blanchard speculated that there was a difference between homosexual men seeking early transexual surgery and later age transexual m-to-f patients who were predominantly heterosexual. MRI studies support the greater gender deviation in the younger homosexual population as opposed to the older population. Both groups have similiar outcomes post surgical 'revision", though the older group tend to have higher IQ's, greater education and more likelihood of what Dr. Blanchard coined "autogynephilia" (sexually attracted to the thought of themselves as women rather than the younger group which was more sexually attracted to men themselves.) (Dr. Ray Blanchard's typology has been politically questioned and may not have significance except historically as tens of thousands of transexual operations continue to change the diversity of the once familiar and limitted landscape.) Indeed Brazilian transexuals not so affected by western dichotomy see themselves as a 'third' alternative. In this regard they are like some aboriginal and polynesian aboriginals who granted distinct status to the 'twin spirited' who often held healing or leadership roles in their communities.
Transvestism has been greatest in the heterosexual population and as evidenced by female transvestism may or may not be essentially related
to sexuality. Gender as indicated in Ivan Illich's book of the same name is a 'multi varied' matter. It's certainly far more than the reductionism of either Marx, Lenin or Freud.
MRI studies do indicate differences in brain development but this seems to reflect to a large degree the influence of hormones.
It seems quite unlikely that there will be any similiar research or evidence of distinctive differences in female brains given the universality of transvestism in this population. Given the capacity for hormonal induced beard growth transexual men (f2m) 'pass' easily in the outer culture . A man dressed even in a 'kilt' draws attention more than even the young 'metro' men keen on make up and waxing off body hair. Surgically transexual men (f2m) have greater problems with 'bottom' surgery, though advances continue to be made. The men who initially have greater difficulty with outward appearances have today relatively satisfactory 'bottom surgery' solutions that allow them to 'pass' in the bedroom. One day, and as parents define the gender of their children earlier, these concerns immunologically and surgically will be moot points.
Heart bypass surgery was considered science fiction 50 years ago as were kidney transplants. There are rarely limits to science where there is interest. If transexual 'conversion' could somehow be shown to have military benefit or related to global warming then the researchers would have the funding to make the advances which might one day make the whole matter academic.
No one today views female transvestism with the horror it occasioned when I was on a high school student council executive and put forward the motion that women in Winnipeg should be allowed to wear pants to school in winter. It was so controversial in it's day that I personally was threatened in all manner. I shudder to think what controversy must have arisen when some silly boy or girl suggested we need not wear 'uniforms' to school.
Today transvestism and cross dressing by women is decades ahead publicly of the private behaviour of men in general. Personally I'm thankful that it's been decades since I was shot at from a passing car as a 'long haired' hippy. No doubt pant wearing women faced similiar issues even before they donned 'business' suits.
Brain research on 'gender' has acknowledged an evolutionary basis following in the footsteps of Charles Darwin who really was merely the imitator of that great eccentric Alfred Russell Wallace. "We are born this way" is a main proponent of the political platform of the Rainbow community and no doubt some 50% of influence as in most matters may have a genetic basis. However despite the monopoly of Darwinism, Lamarkian ideas still have a role with increasing evidence supporting some combination of the two.
Were 'politics' not the mainstream influence on science that it is, research into the differences of female transvestites comparing say, 'lipstick' lesbians that at first were such an offence to the 'butch' lesbians of an earlier era. MRI evidence might well suggest differences which follow rather than precede changes as the neuroplasticity of the brain becomes increasingly apparent. Patients with head injury have major 'shifts' anatomically as do those who do drugs for long term, alcohol for one long known to cause dementia with the damage shown on MRI.
Diversity doesn't suggest 'disease' though there are always those who would have everyone like them, fearing difference as genetically as those who embrace change.
From a purely 'fashion' perspective there seems to be every element of historical presence today from the age of Egypt to the Rennaissance to the 30's and 60's. Cosmetic surgery and cosmetic 'medicine' and even 'cosmetic' psychiatry are already well established. No one really can speculate whether these areas will remain termed 'cosmetic' as the 'serious' medicine and surgery continues as 'necessary' only as a product of 'life style' 'choices' of the population. A respiratory surgeon says his department might never have developped were it not for 'tobacco'.
It remains possible that women might revert to hooped skirts and gays return to the closet and students dress collectively in uniforms, Perhaps as William Gibson speculates in his genius novels camouflage may represent the gold "fashion" of the future where 'armies' become the principal outlet for youth.
For now female transvestism is the new normal.

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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad