Whistler Ridge

I’ve just come in from lying outside in the sun.  The view here is magnificent.  Laura was on one lawn chair. I on the other.  Madigan jumped between us. I’ve finished my book Seven Days of Hell chronicle of the massacre of the Black Watch on Verriere’s Ridge.  What a terrible thing war is.  Operation Spring.  So many dead and wounded.  Thanks, cannon, planes, mortars and machine guns against humans.  Sheer terror.

It was raining this morning and the mountains across the valley were shrouded in white mist.  Now there’s clouds and sun and blue sky.  Yesterday we had a fun visit from Laura’s sister Carolyn and her husband John.  Their dog Molly had to stay inside in their new Toyota RAV4 Hybrid.  

I’ve attended two on line meetings Friday and Sunday. I’ve been very grateful for my 27 years and the gifts of recovery.  It’s wonderful to feel the support. 

My big exercise event was walking Madigan to dump the garbage at the entrance.  Today I walked him this morning. I didn’t bring an ATV or motorcycle or even my electric bike. I have a rifle to target practice with but instead I’ve read and looked at facebook,

I did submit my second paper to the Oxford Prehistory Religion and Ritual course I’ve been taking. I’d been waiting for the first assignment to be marked to give some direction to the second one.  The tutor apologized for being late but we’ll only get the results tomorrow and I feared other work could interfere with my submitting the paper which I’d written last weekend. It was a sense of relief that I submitted it.  Now I’ll wait to know if I pass and get a certificate of completion.  It will contribute to my CME requirements. Spiritually it completes a circle. 

This week I’ve the challenge of getting my mini to Kits BMW repair for the sky roof and new tires.  I’m also having Kelvin pick up my Camper for repair.  My 27 year cake was Wednesday but I’m taking it next Wednesday night.  Busy times.  Then IDAA conference in Baltimore.  

I’ve been toying with the idea of going to Berlin in August.  Laura can’t get time off but might be able to care for Madigan.  It’s logistics. I think it’d be one bridge too far. I’ll probably just do Vancouver things like Pride Parade in August then Laura and I would do the bow hunting weekend. Gun hunting season opens Sept 10.  Laura has a week off in October and I really ought to take a week with Madigan in September. I’m also planning on leaving for Southern California and Mexico after Christmas,  Time either rushes or slows. I’m surprised as all I’ve done and yet I feel often like I’m just marking time.

The next on my agenda is writing a book.  The dog one is the best idea and already well in progress.  Laura and I are planning a Venice trip next spring.  I continue to work doing virtual and frankly finding it okay.  I share that I have peace of mind now.  

I had thought to do a WPATH course but I’ll make such plans after IDAA which seems to be a time I dream my next year.  I’m winding down after my 27 years and then IDAA recharges the spiritual batteries.  

Right now I’ve been resting. Really.  So enjoying this weekend.  Canada Day.  The Trudeau calls himself post Canadian, post nationalist, a communist for sharia aetheist world government.  I’m meanwhile enjoying my celtic roots and wondering about learning more Spanish,  Years I’ve done that, so is Mexico the future .  I have no idea about retirement and when asked figure I’ll work for the next five years at least.  My back is limiting.  I really need to exercise more and do yoga and tai chi and lose weight.  At least I see the chiropractor every 2-3 weeks and am steadily improving slowly.

I love the cleaning lady visits. I love riding on my motorcycle but have a hankering for a 150 vespa.  My boat is in the sale process. That’s the big task this week.  Getting a nortary public to sigh Form 6 and getting the transfer number for acccepting Alistair’s payment for the GIRI.  I just don’t see myself solo sailing a big boat and don’t want the continued costs. I’m minimizing.  I really like the camper. I lived well in Arizona and California with only that for a couple of months last year.  It’s all I need and my RV is more than enough too.  So next year maybe I’ll get the license to tow the RV.  I still sometimes think of trading up for a bus but the costs seem prohibitive. 

I’m less interested in hunting so we’ll see in fall how important that remains.  I was disappointed to damage this camper out hunting.  I don’t like paying repairs and don’t like any of the old roughing it.  I really liked Oceanside with walks with Madigan and stopping for coffee. I’m looking forward to more travel and writing.  This is fun right now. 

I guess I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. What I’m doing is fine. I love my star link though I needed to replace the cable.  I love my apple IPad and MacBook Pro. I love my virtual work but also like the clinics and the staff and colleagues.  I love learning and had the greatest time going to museums and art galleries. The Oxford course has really been engaging.  Stonehenge and the trip to Victoria to attend the exhibit was wonderful. 

I’m blessed. It’s a good life. Laura and Madigan are great companions.   I’ve had many adventures with no great plans.  Muddling along is fine.  Peace of mind.  Even now I don’’t know if I ‘ll walk Madigan or take a rifle to target practice or have a coffee. I’ve enjoyed the sun and unwinding this weekend.  Life is good. Thank you God. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Holy Spirit.!

Burnaby Home

I feel relaxed after the hours of driving to see a friend.  It’s good to feel safe and rest. I’ve made a list of the many things I must do in the next few days. Renew passport. I arrived home under the deadline so I don’t have to get guarantors as I would if I wasn’t renewing my passport with the old one there with me when I made the appointment.  I’d hoped to learn to pull my large trailer with the enhanced driver license and training. However to do that I must first get a beginner’s permit from ICBC.  That’’s the most I’ll be able to do this week.  I’m going to church this morning to give thanks. 

Right now Madigan is on the table and needs a walk.  I’m having coffee.  I’ll phone Paul to bring back my Fifth Wheel.  I’ll have to transfer the contents from this to that and get the cleaning ladies in. I also need to replace the animal destroyed couch with a new couch and maybe a smaller mattress to facilitate making the bed. Right now it’s really difficult due to the oversized mattress. 

I’ll take the beginner’s test then set up the test training and road test later in the year.  I really like this camper which has truly proved itself with Logan Lake, Harrison Hot Springs,  Yuma and Oceanside.

I’m thankful to be home.

I’m feeling relaxed and healthy and leaving for Yuma I was feeling sickly and afraid I’d die of Covid.  Another winter outside of Canada. What a blessing.  That is rich indeed. I’ve been able to renew and am looking forward to work and the new year. Just have to stay active. I’m so pleased with the outcome of the ‘land expedition’ .  I have never respected all the RV’s passing on the highway. I now appreciate what they have done.  I have even greater respect for my Mom and Dad.  LA freeways were a challenge.  It’s the fear.  Night driving and so many challenges.  I loved that I could get repairs done on the road.  I loved that I could stay a couple of nights off grid in National Campgrounds.  I liked that I could stay at the side of the road with the camper something I couldn’t do with a big rig.  It’s a whole learning process and I feel my mind has been rewired. Neuroplasticity and learning tasks.

I’m going to take Madigan for a walk and get on with the lists of things to do. 

Thank you Jesus.  

Yuma another day in the dessert

We slept in but it was a wonderful sleep with great dreams.  I awoke once at 2 am and went right back to sleep.  My back feels better every day I’m here especially when I get to the hot tub in the day.  

The horse shoe players are out across from me.  Normally I face into the Camper but today I moved to the other side of the table and am enjoying the more scenic view of the outdoors.  Madigan shifted to the other side and is now sleeping after our walk in the dessert.  A man walked by wearing pyjama bottoms.  I like this place.  Casually old folk winter escape.

I am more often seeing the jets that fly over,  I have learned to look ahead of the noise and saw four today along with a helicopter.

I’ve seen the doves and road runners and this longer bodied larger humming bird. 

I’ve enjoyed the week of work and need to take a trip to the post office to send paper work to the clinics.  I’m faced with one left to do and may do it after my coffee so they’re all on the way to the clinics. Anna and Kevin received the Portable toilet I sent them for a New Year’s present.  

It’ssnowing in Vancouver coupled with ice freezing and icey rain.  Laura keeps me abreast of the conditions.  Their clinic was closed and patients have had trouble driving in so here’s been many cancellations,  I remember this time last year my black water take pipes were clogged and frozen.  The suction truck came twice,  Kelvin was there a couple of times.  Finally as it thawed he was able to remove the offending blockage.  I had the second toilet so wasn’t inconvenienced n that regard but having the interruptions and transit and concern about would it be fixable before spring was just an added stress at a stressful cold miserable time. I also slipped and feared breaking something. I feel stronger now. I really do feel like I’m already recovering from the sick time of Covid.  I don’t have the anxiety I had and I’m relaxing. The pleasant dreams are an indication of that. 

The despair of patients and their depression gets through the barriers like chronic pain. I do the best I can.  I feel I’m being of service .  

I’m looking forward to the ride to the post office. I enquired about horse back riding but so far no luck finding some place to ride. I expect I’ll take a ride with the motorcycle and Madigan to the airport to see the Marine base and there’s a lack to see. It’s a pretty laid back weekend.  That’s good.  The day is overcast and I expect to do some calls to patients and hope to make my Friday meeting with IDAA.  

Amberbilly or Billy Amber continues as a project I’m enjoying. Cowboy Bill is another project.  I love the camper and travel.  I couldn’t ride at one place because they had a weight restriction of 200 lbs and I’m at least 220.  I think of travelling to Europe and worry about Laura’s stamina and weight.  These days she’s negative about anything that involves exercise and I just want to see everything and walk and exercise as much as possible. I’m pleased her sister walks her.  I don’t want to lose her and her weight I is killing her. I talked to a patient about their knees going and how they can’t keep up with their girlfriends going to art galleries.  There’s no real reason for the cost of travel to these places of culture if you’re not going to anything different than you do cheaply at home.  I have three projects on the bucket list, south Ireland (I really liked renting a car and seeing that with Laura) , New York, and the Berlin, Vienna Venice trip (this is the walking one and perhaps rent another Vespa, Laura doesn’t like to ride motorcycles anymore, on her own or as a passenger and the same with boats - she seems most to like reading on the couch and obviously can do that cheaply at home …I figure that ‘s what’s happening 10 years from now through no choice of ours so I don’t want to be an old man with her old lady issues when there’s a decade of youthful engaging gung-ho Carpe diem life….tat’s what happens with overheating addictions and other addictions , sloth and gluttony…..personally I prefer lust as it at least loses calories…I can’t believe I’m too fat for the pony ride place but my ideal weight of 6 feet would only be 200 lbs. not a lot of wiggle room.  I’d also Ike to go to  Thailand but that’s for the beach’s and something I can do older when I’m less capable of active tourist life. I see classmates doing Perus and Antarctica but it’s not that I want to but I’m part of a physically fitter section of my age range.  Obesity is the limiting factor. I certainly see that with the men and women here. There’s something with the grandparent thing too. I believe they’re more sedate and happy like our friends mom ‘to watch the children like tv’.  I remember Dad and Mom active together into there 80’s with Mom really happy to explore and got on cruise and road trips and visit new places and Dad active into his 90’s .  I don’t like addiction either. There’s a mind set that occurs with the food aholics and the alcoholics.  I ‘ve had my life with the ex and her cocaine and negativity. I’ve done my time and want to be free but thiss is my own addiction thinking, not focusing on my side of the street and doing what I can. I could be doing so much more exercise . I want to see a chiropracter this weeken and will drop by the one I’ve seen to see if I can make an appointment. Chronic pain is an issue but it’s better with exercise and I’m not doing enough. More reason for me to fear any lack of enthusiasm with activity. I too would rather suck the despair of sloth and gluttony. But I have had an addiction to nicotine and probably alcohol so I don’t want to go back to that materialism. My goal is to know god and that means less negativity myself. Less judgement and more serenity.  But I think I’m showering and others like the smell of my clean body but don’t reciprocate.  There’s that issue of self pity and takers and givers and entitlement.  I like the people in the program because we are constantly reminded and call each other and Im constantly reminded in my group. It’s the group that uplifts me.  

  I wonder about camping and hunting and fishing this year.  I do enjoy her and madigan in the Camper. I don’t know about overseas travel leaving Madigan because he’s a difficult dog and every year older he becomes better. I think of Ron maybe taking him. I have to go to Napanee before Adell sell’s her and Ron’s place . I meet resistance trying to sell the boat and wonder about seeking crew to take it down the inside passage or up the st Lawrence for a last adventure.  I prefer the camper and the immediate plan is to learn to pull the Fifth Wheel immediately I get back. I’ve a sense I’ve done my ocean travel and would first like to sell the sailboat.  

That’s a fair depiction of a slice of my insaniety.  I am here in the present with God and when I slip into the past or future I’m in the world of anxiety. Today I can find God. God is here and now. I’m blessed in this miracle of life I’m living, grateful for all of what I’m experiencing now.  A couple of years of planning and saving and here I am living the life. Thanks for the gifts of recovery,  Thank you Jesus.  Thank you for Laura, Madigan, my family, for this camper and Yuma, the sunshine and warmth. Thank you for my work and my ability to be of service.  

Chilliwack

I miss the 6 am alarm I set. Probably it will go off at 6 pm.  I was awoken by the 7 am alarm and got going slowly. .Quick meditation.  Coffee and shower. On the road before 8..  Still traffic slow down around Langley. I didn’t stop for breakfast but went on to Chilliwack RV.  I pulled aside the ATV trailer then loaded the camper on the truck.  It went smoothly Practice makes perfect. I connected up the trailer to leave but had trouble backing up as usual.  It was nearly 10 and I had to wash the camper too.  I took the trailer with me but when I passed the case wash it was full and I couldn’t see how I’d get in and out.  Oh well. On to Adventurer RV.  I was about 20 minutes late. 

As usual they were welcoming and happy to see me.  I left the keys and called Victor.

We’d made a plan to go for brunch.  He’d had a couple of family emergencies arrive and the 2 pm meeting was moved to noon. This meant he had little time but a Tim Hortons was close by, So we stopped and talked there.  Madigan was a nuisance acting up in the car and not to br left. Fortunately no one noticed him under the table by th or, Brrttrr to ask forgiveness than permission. 

Now I’m back at Kevin’s Adventurer RV.  It’s by the river.  Walking Madigan I found it Madigna’s hot and walked right in,  Very picturesque.  Reminded me that there’s a lot of lovely places around Chilliwack It’s a great town.  I once lived here half a year.  26 years ago.   

Last night I put Madigan in his box on the back of my HD Nightster Specail.  I dorme him to the off leash park.  I explored it all on his own having a jolly good time until he got bored and came back to me.  Back on the Harley I drove us down town, quite the ride .  Met Laura in the West End and had fish and chips and burger at Mary’s on the veranda.  Great milkshakes. Terrific visit.  She’d been house sitting and will be again this week. We’re planning to be together sept 1 for camping and bow hunting. Then a week later in sept. We were missing her too.  She’s Madigan’s favourite person and he’s beside himself when he sees her.  She was wearing a blue summer frock and looked lovely.  She said it was past her work week bed time. “I”m in bed reading not long after 7.  I’m so tired from the clinic.”  It’s a busy job I’ in bed by 9 though might read till midnight .  Still it’s not the latte evenings of not that long past when I did night school and went to meetings.  I had more energy with the business schedule.  his is a laid back time.

I’m loving this summer.  Reminding me of good times in Winnipeg summers, Fort Gary, mom and dad.  Such fond memories.  

Paul Sobey and Paul Farnham have gone to Calgary because the addiction medicine political position there is more enlightened than hereRaju invited me.  I’m happy here without the stress of years of College persecution. They’re actually civil.  I liked the clinic and patients and liked the loook of the next 6 months and alot of virtual work.  happy and grateful for now.  

Blue Sky in May

I have returned from walking Madigan. He’s now enthusiastically waiting for breakfast treats not knowing I’ve decided to fast today. I have my coffee and orange juice but no protein bar or yoghurt to share. Certainly no bacon or eggs

I’ve more work this morning.  Working helps me procrastinate about cleaning away winter clutter and tidying. I’m thinking I’ll learn to pull this big rig and to do that I will need to stow. 

I’ve been focussing on truth , that which I know is not hearsay but what I’ve experienced or even heard first hand by trustworthy reputable human source. I learned that Descartes did something similiar.  Knowledge.  Then there is memory.  What I know and what I believe. I’ve journals for this and yet there is little need to consult them. The liars persist in lying even when confronted with the truth and the courts continue to put politics before justice.  Even now there is censorship at all levels.

I’m happy this morning. I woke from good dreams, more of the peninsula and this time I had an apartment and looked out at the sea.  There is hope.  I had the back pain getting out of bed but walking it was gone.  It’s just the transition from lying to standing.  I’ve applied Balm of Ilead again. I’d wanted to go to the chiropractor now that I know the X-ray has nothing new.  Yet I let the deluge of work this week with the despearate and angry demands over ride my own needs quite again.  I miss the personal staff who once protected me by ensuring and remembering to not put two vampires consecutively. I was drained of energy before one morning ended and shuddered to face the afternoon.

I’ve been enjoying the dog walks with the black and white gang. Our little dogs, Dave’s Emory, Peter’s Luka and Bella.  Men walking and talking. Kind of like those A&W coffee meets of old men but here we’re walking and the dogs are happy in the gang.  I’m so much alone with work that the casual conversation is a treat.  Billy joined us talking about singing in the choir and his girlfriend .  He’s in his 80’s.  We’re older. George called and is helping. The other George has countless stories and experiences.  I worry about Murray and must call him. Barry called but didn’t leave a message. 

I’m connected this way.  I touch people and am touch.  We text and share social media as well.  

Each day I appeal to God.  I ask God what is my purpose. I ask for guidance. I would know God more clearly. I’m able to sense God .  God is an experience not so much an idea. I feel the presence of God. To do this I just have to detach from immediate cares and get out of the worries and fretting. Today I was just looking at the blue sky behind the clouds. Contemplating.  I was absent from myself for a bit there.  The ego is back of consciousness and the self and over self emerge.  

My mind is so often on tasks and improvements and things to do.  Business. I’ve been thinking of licensing my Harley or trading it in. I really would like to have my camping trailer. Frazerway has had it in their shop since last November and two insurance claims of $30,000 have been made but they wanted more money and frankly I don’t believe it’s worth it. They sold it to me and Laura and I heard their salesman promise there was no water damage. That’s a ‘precondition’ which was at issue in a previous rig so we were adamant about obtaining assurance about that.  I think he even said they peel back places and made sure there was no damage before selling the unit. The seals were checked by Erik that sumner.  I have my seals checked each year.  Then Frazerway said the seals needed to be checked every 3 months and no where is it suggested RV owners climb up on the roof and check the seals .  So the insurer is saying the water damage is pre existing but pre-existing the accident but that could only be a month to when the assessment was done but when the repair folk talk it’s like it’s months and years and they seem to suggest that they can tell the difference between 1 month of water damage and now it’s 6 months or more in their yard damaged so I really can’t see how they can know by observation and accuracy that the ‘pre existing occurred in 1 3 or 6 month.  The point remains they sold it to me ‘without water damage’. It’s only a couple of years since I bought it and now they’re saying this $40,000 unit has need of essential $50,000 repairs and I need to pay $20,000  more. It’s obviously a whole lot of ‘clever’ buck passing and I’m deluged with patients knowing that all my life I’ve worked under market value when I’m not doing charity work because of the ‘clever’ and quite inferior business work sorts nickel dining and playing insurance games.  I hate to think I’ve got to get a lawyer to deal with this sociopathy because they would rather wheel and deal than actually work but it weighs on me. I told this insurance company that I would have to ask a lawyer to deal with this because it’s no distracting and soul destroying. I hate the betrayal by the company. Either the water damage occurred after the accident or was there when Fraserway sold it.  I’d settle for parity but to have this abuse of elderly. We don’t have the potential years that these hustlers have and I can’t sell a unit in their garage.  

Given the St. Michael the avenger statue on the wall I know that God doesn’t want a good doctor abused and the consequence of the betrayal and deceit is as usually their themselves and their families being cursed for their evil.  It’s always happened. I look back my back trail and see all these cases of disease and don’t think it’s just me but the mental state that has one conniving is sickness inducing. Further as I’m a nice guy when this is done to me then it’s likely they must have done this to really bad people and a whole ‘list’ so the attraction of evil incarnate they have explains the apparent ‘random’ bad luck they experience. I don’t wish this on them though if I’ve cursed someone they see to be cursed by so many. I pray for my enemies and struggle to let go of resentments so that I can focus on healing but with the devolution of Canada to a communist dictatorship under an aethest pervert criminal the most unethical idiot in our history it’s hard to let go of resentments.  Jesus was killed by government and church .  We get the government we deserve.  I pray for healing and for all to be better.  All shall be well, all shall be well, all manner of things shall be well.  I will consult my mentors and the multimillionaires and those in construction and the judges and MP’s soon to see if I need a champion or advocate. I expect these folk are just scared and recovering from Covid and God will solve this conundrum. I may just license my Harley and get some wind therapy so I’m not distracted in my meditation by the distractions.

I really am blessed. My home is good here. I have to clean the fridge.  I shook out the carpet and cleaned the living room floor. I cleaned the toilet this week and last so I’m managing. There is clutter. My run to the storage locker was good.  I might have to consider another. It’s the weekend and I worry about losing potential errand and work time by whittling it away reading.  I have been thankful for my increased walks and swims.  

Right now I’m trying to get the apps and passwords working again on the replacement iPad,  It’s another task done.  I am thankful for this new iPad but hate waiting on the phone to deal with assistance. Yesterday a n hour on the bank addressing their online password,  Even the help couldn’t help and I was thorough frustrated by the offensiveness of their security people. I forget that the paranoids and sociopaths are employed and I only see the worst of them in my office. Whole industries celebrate paranoia especially now that there is war in Ukraine.  It’s like the constant threat of the skies falling. Now we’re back to being threatened by nuclear war to add to global warning and Covid.  There’s just not enough space in my mind and heart to handle the level of government hysteria and greed. I struggle to reassure patients they’re not going to die today and it’s okay to go outside and visit and yes wear a mask and yes get a vaccine but increasingly these are little more than burning sage the way the government arts students interpret the sciences and the lies and outright fraud in the sciences makes it all seem greed.  I continue to take vitamin D and pray for the sun.  I laugh to think that if Trump had been wholly pro vaccine and made a campaign for it then half of America would have rejected vaccines because of political affiliation. It’s seems to me the left wing moves emotionally and the right wing move intellectual meanwhile I’m afraid of the body of the bird where the beak and claws are an that great ever growing cancerous belling of the Beast of Government

I want to know more joy so must think of media and government less and focus more on the blue sky The sun has come out this morning. Hallelujah.

Thank you God for the sun, for skin, for air and blood and healthy hearts and healing and the children and the mothers and the parents and the fathers and the family and the friends. Thank you for the dogs and cats and safe homes.  Thank you for clean water. Thank you for all your blessings.