Journal

All is well. I’m actually enjoying life and am very grateful. I’ve peace of mind and trust in God.  I continue to muddle along in uncertainty but there’s no chaos or impending doom or imminent threats. I don’t feel like I did at times in the past. I have moments and event occasional difficult days but I have more hope. I don’t feel like I’m struggling so much. I really am trudging the road of happy destiny.  

I feel grateful for the people in my life, for Madigan, for work and the basics Maslow talks about in his pyramid, hierarchy of needs.

My mood fluctuates with my immediate financial situation.  I like to be able to pay taxes and have my credit cards and finances in order with input and output matching. I was disappointed in the cost of my camper repairs and the cost of a spring hunting trip.  The damage wasn’t all done this year but the repairs were $12000 and I wondered about the camper. I had the same feeling about the boat before I sold it.  The cost was more than the pleasure.  Repairs and maintenance on things has me remembering how I enjoyed life studying living across from the university, enjoying my apartment and the library. I had a bicycle back then. 

Now I have an F350 truck, a Mini Cooper, a Harley Nightstr Special, a Honda Tracker quad and now a Vespa GT Super tech 300.  I’ve a large RV and a Camper. I have a storage locker and stuff.  I’m outfitted for hunting.  I’m outfitted for travel.  I have a home office. I really am in limbo though.. I had thought when Ron was sick I’d move to Ontario. I also had the opportunity to work in Calgary.  All seemed likely then but Covid hit, I acquired a Starlink dish and began to work virtual from home. I’ve made two trips to Yuma in winter for a few months,  I enjoy working 4 days a week and only going to the clinics a half day a week.  I’ve Madigan as a companion and he’s slowly developing a brain so he’s less a rascal. I love him,  

I really like my neighbours. I really like the people I work with. I love Laura. She’s been my friend for decades now.  My family is great.  My sister in law Adell is truly amazing and I like the nephews , their wives and children.  I feel guilty that I’ve not made a trip to see them.  A New Year’s resolution.  I love the god children and god family. I like my church.

I was so happy to submit an essay again after reaching out for help from colleagues to complete the work.  It’s an arbitrary load I took on that was  attracting my attention in a peculiar way.  

Too many friends and family have died. I’ve been grieving since before Covid.  Hank, Scotty, Bernie, Ron, George, Vivian. Don and more.  A few short years. Not so long ago Mom and Dad died too. I m older and the wedding announcement season has become the  obituary season. Meanwhile I’ve muddled along doing the next right thing.  Mostly I’ve been really focused on living one day at a time.  

I’ve attended my home group weekly, make it to church once or twice a month and do a couple of on line meetings a week.  The summer was good.

I loved buying the new Vespa and putting the relatively new Harley Davidson Nightster Special in Storage.  Locally they said only one motorcycle and in the city the Vespa reigned.  In a week and a bit I’m getting the rack and box installed. It’s lighter than the Harley by a hundred pounds or so , so should be easier to get on and off the trucks front rack.  I’m thinking this trip down south  I’ll maybe even boon dock some. I’m hoping to stay in LA and maybe in Rosario Mexico.  The Harley was heavy and once I’d unloaded it in Yuma it was fine for a couple of month but I resisted taking it off and on.  I will fine that I don’t have that resistance with the Vespa,  Even now I don’t mind riding it in the city. I rode it at night in the city too. With the harley I felt at more risk more under attack.  On the scooter I’m sitting up and it’s automatic transmission and the other drivers don’t seem aggressive. I feel I could wear a skirt on the Vespa but not the Harley..

I stopped and spoke with a patient whose been calling and their despair and anger and fear and so much of what is associated with early recovery emotionally was broadcast at the nervous system level.I realized when I got off the phone that I’m daily faced with what I ‘ve called in the past ‘loudness’, the emotional turmoil.  Some even call it ‘soul sucking’ theatre horrible neediness. Most people spend the least amount of time with such emotionally raw people.. Those in recovery are ‘depressed’ and ‘anxious’ but the tone is always ‘angry and blaming’.  It’s the same distinction for unipolar depression and bipolar depression, that sadness of one and the  angry fearful edge of the other. I’m upset now.  I was so serene before,  after myself being in my own meeting and visiting with friends and having a good sunday escape.

I talked with my retired colleague and he said how relaxed and serene he was when he didn’t go into the office and face the administration and patients. The Adminisistration is so autorcratic and ignorant of their anger themselves. 

I ‘m fatigued now.  Worn down.  It’s my day off yet I answer these calls and  normally pick the time I call but this weekend I’ve let people access me directly because they’ve been leaving messages and when I call them I can’t reach them.  Anyway I’m roasting coffee beans.  All roasted. Terrific fresh roasted Ethiopian coffee been fragrance.

Just had a wonderful visit from Dave.  He’s taking my 2000 generator for the old 1000.  Now I’ve the 3200 I don’t need the 2000 but it’s too big to store while  the  1000 is small easy to keep for emergency.  He’s said he’d take Madigan if Laura and I travelled. We’d trust him with Madigan, his friend. Dave cared for his dog Emory for 18 years.  He ‘s a really good guy.  Lovely people,

Now it’s been a full fall. Laura and I did the Thanksgiving Hunt driving up to Cache Creed spending a night in Canyon Alpine RV park one night then a few nights in Willow RV park outside Clinton. I rode the Honda Tracker looking for a place legal for ATV but not finding one so hiking in and sat in ambush dusk and dawn not seeing anything but getting exercise. We loved the site.  Beautiful place but found the remote for the Happy Jacks not working. Rest of trip I had to do manual wrenching of the jacks up and down.  

We drove the day we left Willow to Beaver dam campsite on Meadow Road.Now we set up off grid for the week. I had the Honda 2000 generator providing electricity for Starlink and the electric appliances. I love my expresso coffee maker.. I have a stove top maker but really like the electric one. I unloaded the Honda Tracker ATV.  Laura stayed in the camper and read.  Madigan and I each day headed out on the ATV exploring. I shot 5 grouse that week. I saw three times as many. Madigan fetched each one I shot.  So cute waddling back with a grouse in his mouth.  

We had propane for heat and stove and hot water. We had lots of propane, having only used one tank off grid for a week. I had lots of gas   I only used a couple of 5 gallons taken for the generator and ATV. I had at least another 2 five gallon jugs when we left. I worried about water as that’s gone in the past but Laura was really good rationing. Songs bathing. Little dish washing. Paper plates.  We actually had 2 five gallons jugs for water left.

It began to snow on Friday. I’d not seen deer or moose and the grouse don’t come out when it’s raining or snowing. I was tired of the routine and don’t like snow. Too many life memories of blizzards, sliding off roads and equipment damage..  I packed up. It only takes at most an hour. We had the cows that hung out around us visit us to watch us off.  Then we were carefully driving on the wet logging road with an inch of wet snow on top.  4x4 and soon we were on the highway which was just wet.  Thank God. 

South of Clinton we were out of the snow and drove past Boston Bar down to the warmth of Hope staying in the Native campgrounds for the night.

Our fun with Starlink was Lincoln Lawyer. At night after dinner, I barbecued steak and pork and sausages with boiled potatoes and peas each night, we’d watch this series we’d both enjoyed. We had ice cream too.  It was cozy and fun and Madigan loved being a part of the evening.

I unloaded the trailer at Johns and brought the camper and truck back here where we I unloaded it. We spent a couple of lazy days before Laura drove home and we both got back to work. Kelvin from Travco came and picked up the truck and camper to fix the Happy Jack problem , likely needs a new remote.  He’ll have it back next week and I’ll store it at John’s until I leave for the south end of December

Laura and I both had our vaccines this week, She’s now got a doctor since her visit to ER for her excessive period.  She was reassured but had tests and is a bit anxious. I’d be but I’m more of a hypochondriac and catastrophise.  That last episode of the flu or Covid in Delhi when I couldn’t breath and felt like I was suffocating and likely had Covid did scare me.  We’re getting older and friends are dying so there’s a wariness.  We both are thankful for our mobility and health.  Laura is better and the rest in the woods was good. She was cleared to go with me.  I think the nights of steak helped too.

I have Symphony tickets and Friday we attended the Litz and Brahms concert with the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra at the Orpheum.  I’d spent the day working on the essay and sent it off submitting it and then rushing to pick up Laura downtown off Davie street.  We arrived 10 minutes late but felt good just for both of us to make it.  I really liked the Lietz . The Brahms which I’d thought of as slow and had me worried about being sleepy turned out to be heavy metal with brads and drums and no lullaby. We had dress seats on lower right balcony.  We were awake and enjoyed the evening. 

Driving at night is increasingly difficult.  Laura says she simply can’t .  I find it stressful with the pedestrians on Davie jumping out on the street out of nowhere.  A stressful experience but the whole night was worth it.  I dropped Laura at home so it really was a date night.  Next week she’s going to spend the weekend here as we have an Opera to attend. What fun.  She really is beautiful and such a good campanion. I  miss her when I go south but after a while Madigan and I get into our old bachelor routine.  We survive but I really feel the need for the sun and am anxious about getting pneumonia, despite it being called the old man’s friend.

I’m content for the first time in a long time it seems,  I really have a good life with so much to be grateful for.  God is good all the time. The salmon are having their spawning run now. I was able to take pictures with Madigan at the Brunette River.

I even had a pedicure yesterday after upgrading the Honda generator from 2000 to 3200.  My infuser had died and I have several oils so I bought a new one and have enjoyed the scent of Tantra  and the roasted coffee beans smell. I like the eucalyptus too. 

Just phoned Laura and had a lovely conversation so I’m back on track. Making another coffee and then I’ll make a sandwich and maybe walk Madigan. I’m reading the latest Reacher after months of reading scientific books and history and art and anthropology.  I’m glad for the simple Reacher. On tv I like Gibbs and McGee and Ducky and have enjoyed the relaxing routine of watching an NCIS episode before bed.  Routines.

I pray every day. I’m really blessed and thankful.  Thank you Jesus. 

Autumn and home

I just returned from walking Madigan.  There was a definite nip in the air. We noticed the mornings were chill in Clinton. Here in Vancouver it’s the same though the weather forecast is another week of sunshine and heat.  Cool nights and hot days then.  

I’m waking with back pain but not the sharp kind of falling down pain, rather the ‘sore’ dull ache.  I wondered if someone was stabbing me in the back and I was psychically experiencing the betrayal.  Then I considered the self pity pain of Atlas , carrying the weight of world on my shoulders. The fact is I don’t stretch enough and did a lot of lifting carrying gear to and from the truck.  I might guess I”m getting older and am being rewarded with the karma of not being sympathetic to my father who complained of back pain in later years.

I associated with ‘the man’.  Men have back pain, women have pelvic pain, the old cliche.  

Laura has an extra day off and has risen.  I think her plan was to drive home today to get a parking spot near her building so she can unload her gear easily. There’s so little parking in the west end.

I’ve a couple of days of virtual clinics then another weekend of hunting. The challenge will be getting the tent and camping gear together to truly ‘rough it’.  It’s been a few years since I slept on the ground. The question will be how hard it will be to get up and moving in the morning.  I’ll be closer to game and may even be on a lake to go swimming in the day.

Last night I barbecued steaks on the new Weber barbecue.  The potatoes we picked up at the roadside Hilltop Fruit Market were delicious with butter and sour cream and the creamed cauliflower.  We watched John Bateman a BBC drama about an English trader, formerly with the East India Company, living in Delhi 1790.  It was fascinating and engaging. Having been to India and Delhi it was all more more enjoyable,

Good to be back in my bed and returning to the routines,  Hard to believe we’d been away 6 days just adding extra days to the already long labour day weekend,

Izek shot his first deer on the weekend youth hunt as well as shooting grouse.  The Bustards are having fun.  

I’m feeling somewhat isolated and alienated with the sense of what am I going to do when I grow up. Looking forward to the heat and dry of Yuma, working but hoping this inflammation will be helped by the climate. Also thinking of my lungs and the fright of not being able to get breath a couple of years ago.  Like the scuba diving accident but in this case just a ‘flu’.  I’ve loved this year with the break of Europe and summer though late was so relaxing simply enjoying sun bathing in the back yard and walking the dog.

Madigan is curled up against me He’s been totally absorbed with Laura this week and it later today it will be back to being my room mate.  We’ll miss her.  

It’s been a good end of summer and now autumn which I enjoy so much.  

Cariboo Lodge Clinton

Laura and I love Cariboo Lodge.  We really enjoyed it when Derrick and Naomi were with us.  She was pregnant then and Laura laughed because she’d hear her vomit each morning and then chipper as could be the two would go off for a hearty breakfast.  Derick and I meanwhile would be out in the woods looking for deer.

I shot my first Moose when I was up here staying with Bill Mewhort at the Circle H ranch late in the season.  That must have been 30 years ago. 

I’ve camped a few times by the duck pond where Laura was in the tent when the horses went by and I was already out bow hunting. She was excited to have the tent surrounded by horses and a cowboy.

A whole range of memories, all positive, are associated with Clinton. I’m so glad Bill Mewhort introduced me to this town all those year ago

I was with Tom up Pavillion way when I shot a bear at a couple of hundred yards. That’s always been unforgettable because Stuart, my little white Scotty dog, immediately began kicking dirt on the dead bear’s head to bury it.  Another time I shot a mule deer here and Gilbert was with me. The deer was bounding across the field when I shot it with the 30:30 I was using that day.  He crashed to the ground only to have my cockapoo Gilbert beeline to him and jump on his head , to keep him down. 

I’ve come here early in the year for bow hunting season and much later in the year when the snow has begun. I brought up a Honda 250 and rode all over the back woods shooting every can with the 30:30 cowboy rifle. I never got any game but I had so much fun those late fall days

A lot of bikes have been staying here this week. Harleys and adventure touring bikes.

Laura and I are in 108 right where we stayed with Naomi and Derrick.  Log construction. Clean comfortable. The staff have always been so friendly and helpful

When I arrived here after the picturesque 5 hour drive from Vancouver up the number 1 we immediately had dinner on the veranda.  With Madigan under the table we’ve eaten all our meals on the porch in front of the indoor restaurant. There’s a bar and outdoor barbecue area too,  We’ve had beef dip, burgers, mushroom chicken fettuccine, fish and chips. Each morning we have the best breakfast. I’ve had eggs Benedict and the rancher.  Laura liked the eggs benny.

Then we have filled the Ford F-350 truck up with fuel using about $50 a day , thanks to Justin-flation,driving around the backwoods. We don’t need to do that but frankly I’ve loved exploring,. With Covid it’s been several years since we’ve been here and it’s fun seeing the new construction. I was supposed to stalk through the woods but instead we’ve driven about slowly hoping a deer will come out of the woods to wave. I once hit a deer with my truck here after we’d been to the little Catholic Church and prayed for success. The deer almost hit the truck coming out of the church parking lot.  

We could see a bear but haven’t They are legal now.  As are ptarmigan which has had me studying the grouse to make sure they’re not ptarmigan which look similar. 

Instead we chatted as couples do driving about in pick up trucks on country roads with the dog so excited to have his head out the window. Kind of romantic.

We did stop each day to go swimming. I loved that.  It was so hot and the swim was so refreshing.  Canadian summer. Swimming in fresh water lakes. Later I lay on the lawn chairs I’d had in the back of truck.  Given the heat I was quickly air dried.  Laura and Madigan waded.  Madigan rolled around in the dirt after he got all wet.

After we’d go to the gravel pit and shoot targets.  Laura first tried out the heavy 223 and had trouble holding it up. The next day she had her 22 rifle with the gloriously coloured wood stock. It’s lighter and she was more used to it. I was shooting the Ruger  30:06 getting nice groupings with the 180 grain bullets at 50 to 100 yards.

Back at Cariboo Lodge we napped and read.  In the past I’d go out for the evening hunt but instead stayed in after dinner reading and going to sleep early.I’m enjoying another Randell western book.

It’s amazingly relaxing.  

Driving about we’d name trees and birds, spruce, pine, ravens, flickers and more. We enjoyed driving over to the Canoe Reserve.  Lovely country. Seeing the rodeo grounds the hockey rink, school and houses including the little apartment complex. Lots of trucks and cars.

I’ve enjoyed taking pictures.  Lots of grouse but the season doesn’t open till next week. That’s when rifle season opens.  We’ve always enjoyed bow hunting season as tranquil and a time to check out equipment.  I’ve shot deer and grouse with bow and arrow in the past but mostly it’s been misses and fun and stories.  Like the time Tom and I drove the ATV around a bluff right into a herd of a  half down or more deer who stood staring at us.  We couldn’t get the bows unpacked or loaded before the deer wandered off.  

The weather is always the best this time of the year.  It’s been a truly glorious week of sunshine and hot late summer early fall days.  This is beautiful country.  Cariboo Lodge is a great place to stay.  We’ve enjoyed walking about the town late afternoon too. Very quaint, 

Laura’s had her bath and it’s time for us to go for breakfast.  I tell friends we’re roughing it but the pictures of sumptuous fare and cozy accommodation catch me out.  

Another day before returning to the city , the clock and urban pressure. I’m going to enjoy today.  

North to 100 mile house

When Laura, looking pretty, arrived Friday morning at 9 am, Gilbert, the cockapoo went crazy, barking, circling, sniffing.  It was great to see her.  We had a five day weekend together with Gilbert.  I immediately brought my white Ford F-350 around. . I have a motorcycle mount for the front of the truck.  I attached that then loaded the KTM690 enduro.

I’d decided also to take my West Marine inflatable kayak along. I had the Honda 2000 generator too. Bear season was open for rifle and deer season for bow.  I had  Winchester 300 Coyote and the Excalibur crossbow. It was the opening of bow hunting season on Sunday.  We’d planned a travel day going and returning with Sat. Sunday and Monday for outdoor adventure.

Laura travels light with an Eagle Creek carry on luggage and colourful sack.  I have the cammo duffle bag and Harley Davidson bag that together carry gear and clothes.  Gilbert likes to use these to sleep on high up in the back seat as we drive along the highway≥

I keep my Adventurer Camper at the unbreatable Chilliwack RV Storage.  From Burnaby to there it was only a couple of hour drive despite highway construction.  We’d stopped at Abbotsford’s great Canoe and Kayak Store to buy another paddle for the kayak.  

Laura and I are getting better at positioning and loading the Camper. It’s less anxiety provoking and really a good feeling when a second bouse was on the back of the truck as we pulled  away heading north.  

It started a cloudy stormy rainy day but miraculously the sun came out as we drove from Chilliwack to Hope. The corn fields were ripe. The glorious evergreens began to replace the farm lands as we ascended out of the Fraser valley floor.  At Hope we took the #1 highway that splits offf from #3 to Princeton through Manning Park and Coquahalla, the high country freeway.  I stopped at DQ and got us all DQ hamburgers with cheese, Gilbert just likes the paddy.  I’ve taken to having mine without the sauce driving. No need to change shirts. 

Laura and I recalled the spring summer and fall I left my Forest River trailer in Boston Bar coming up weekends.  The road has all the old railway tunnels. Sailor, Alexandra and Hell’s Gate..  We always remember the time riding the Harley together home we’d hit the road fault entering the tunnel, We’d become airborne forever going from light into the dark at 120 km per hour, only able to pray before we hit down in total darkness passing safely on.  The truck and camper are the latest in a series of travel camping arrangements.  We like it the best today.  Every possible camping vehicle combination was on the road north with us, some carrying bikes, quads or pulling trailers or boats. There was a recreational exodus north.

At the rest stop with the fenced off leash dog park blind Gilbert loves I changed from jeans to shorts. We used our own toilet and just loved the high country sunshine and heat.  I’m always ecstatic once we come out of the lowland to the high country sage and tumble weed country.

A herd of goats greeted us in Lytton.  It was 10 years before when we were in a car with tent in the trunk that we passed a similar herd of mountain goats on the highway and walking about the town.  There were young with therm and they all looked healthy and robust.

The views of the river winding through the high country tumble weed hills were spectacular.

At Cache Creek we stopped at the Grubstake Store we’d visited in past years. A lovely oriental couple have really outfitted it well for campers and fishermen. We found everything we wanted and now had a fully stocked camper.  We even had Hagen Dash ice cream bars to enhance our glamping experience.

Lots of nostalgia passing through Clinton.  Laura reminisced about walking here when Faith was still a baby her mommy’s tummy. Now she’s a going concern.  It was here I shot my first moose with Bill Mewhort 30 years before. We hunted mulies in the high hills back in those days,climbing high up the mountain before dawn to meet the game as they left the rivers and lakes. 

It was temping to stop there. But I was in exploring mode.  I’d bow hunted Hundred Mile House with Tom seeing lots of deer though not shooting any. Laura and I loved Hundred Mile House  having stayed here several years before and even considered it as a possible place to live. 

Now here we are in the municipal campground. The 100 mile House RV Motel and Park were full.  Not needing hook up it was just nice to park after a long scenic day of driving. Sandwiches sufficed for dinner.  Gilbert loved the new dog sniffs and walks.

On my iPad I read a kindle western before falling asleep a little after Laura who’d been reading about a woman pilot in the war. Gilbert cried in the night to be let up on the bed but settled when I shhhhd him.  He’s jealous I get to sleep with his favourite person and he’s left down on the floor in his own dog  bed.  Life isn’t fair.

There was promise of aurora borealis but the sky was cloudy so we didn’t see the night display.  The fresh cool air was a delight.

Waking this morning in the pine smelling outdoors by a running stream  was heaven.