No, I'm not pregnant, kid.
I'm fat. Obese. Overweight. Lard ass.
It happens easier when you're older.
One pound of food suddenly makes 2 pounds of fat.
So don't be smug, youth wad
You might not even live to struggle with self
You're still fighting with your family and friends
One day you're make the big leagues
Struggling with yourself, with greed, and fear.
I was once slim and athletic too
Not this whale that waddles and drags butt
This monstrosity of gluttony and sloth
My heart is beating for two
And still I eat
The exercise I did hurts because the weight I carry is too great
And I'm long past wanting to swim where the shame is worse
But maybe I'll join aquafit
A fatty told me they all go there.
I'd go to the gym but they're mean there.
Fast moving and young
I need a place where only the old and lame are allowed
Where there's a target range coupled with a track
I need someone to shoot live rounds at my feet
Maybe pay some young slim shit, like you, to chase me with a whip
Unitl I get up and stomp them
Losing politicians should be let lose there
And I should be able to run one down and tear them limb from limb
It's a crock that fat people are happy
We're angry and they should send fat people overseas to fight wars
Who cares if one more of us expandable waist pants bites the bullet
We've been biting all the chocolate and puff tarts for years
No thank you, I won't have a second plate.
I'm tired of carrying myself around as it is.
Burn the couch and machete the desk.
Get rid of chairs. Make us all sit cross legged on the floor
And exercise ourselves getting up and down.
Destroy elevators and escalators.
It all begins with bicycles. Kill bicycles then car
Destroy cities and shopping malls.
Hunter gathers were slim.
Lets all go back to labouring without oil or solar panels.
Pass me those crackers, would you. .
Pass me a pillow, too
We complain of poverty
But so enjoy our gluttony and sloth
No pain, no gain.
Give me another pillow
Pass that channel changer
Do it quitckly before I get off this couch
And fall on you.
Young people, slim people, atheletic people, humbug
I gave up smoking for this.